No More Mr Nice Guy
by Chris Oddland
Summary: What happens when Keitaro blows a fuse? And finally the 5th chapter is up.
1. Payback's a bitch

_Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina...so don't kill me! Please? I also don't own Earthworm Jim._

Chris Oddland presents: No More Mr Nice Guy

* * *

Chapter 1: Payback's a bitch...

* * *

The old inn-turned-dormitory seemed tranquil, for the time being. The several newly patched parts of several walls and parts of the roof did manage to give it that dilapidated look that made people in town agree that the old building had seen better days.

After its metamorphosis into a dormitory for girls it certainly had sparked controversy among the inhabitants of the town. Especially after that old lady's grandson had ascended the stairs leading up to that old place after not having set his foot here in years, and controversially enough found himself appointed as manager.

Most people who knew the owner simply shrugged. Hinata Urashima was after all weird one according to the standards of most who had lived here. The streetwise ones shunned it like the plague.

To outsiders the place might be called paradise, to those living here it was dubbed Gehenna.

An old man in the town sat on bench giving him decent view of the Hinata-sou from the distance and height while a small breeze passed by him.

"Seems like there's no launch for today," he grunted in good humour as he placed the rolled-up newspaper on his lap. The portable radio beside him was playing some music he hadn't paid attention to.

A thunderous detonating sound and the splintering of wood and roof tiles as a human shape exited the building from yet another newly-made hole proved him in error.

"Definitely Gehenna," he remarked to himself. "I wouldn't want to live there for all the pretty women in the world, even if some magic trinket giving me back my youth was added as a bonus."

He wondered if he would win the weekly bet with his ex-wife at least this time, if this bet about him bouncing back into the madhouse turned real for once.

Minutes later the radio broadcast was interrupted and a sudden news broadcast about a human-shaped missile hitting the Tokyo Tower and being reflected back was announced.

He just had to wait a few dozen seconds more and the unfortunate "human cannonball" returned and crashed back into the Hinata-sou – another hole in the wall and a broken window to boot.

He whistled in impression. "This must be my lucky day..."

* * *

A seething voice inside of him said that Motoko and and Naru had gone too far.

Since Shinobu's school was arranging a school dance, she had asked him to teach her how to dance. While Keitaro had had the misfortune of dancing with boys (since no girl actually wanted to dance with him), he had actually learned how to waltz, and was happy to help the young girl.

He had turned on the CD-player and placed a CD containing waltz music, and as the music began to play, Keitaro began to instruct her in the basic steps. It had been quite fun dancing with Shinobu, even if she managed to step on his toes a couple of times. It always felt good to help someone in need.

Too bad that Murphy's Law seemed to be very interested with him at that time... Again.

Because ironically enough (and as expected) the beautiful Naru Narusegawa and proud and fair Motoko Aoyama suddenly appeared, and seeing a blushing petite Shinobu in the living room waltzing with the landlord of the Hinata-sou with a dreamy look on her face seemed to make them see red. It could have been some form of suppressed jealousy that made them lash out at him this time, or that they had misinterpreted everything again...

Keitaro certainly didn't feel so good this time.

In addition to being reduced to a somewhat twitching heap on the floor. And before that he had been catapulted towards the Tokyo Tower and ricocheted back towards Hinata, landing back in the room where he was blasted off from by the two. Unfortunately they were waiting for him to land, resulting that he was beaten to the twitching heap lying on the floor.

_Today... something in Keitaro snapped._

_So many conflicting emotions and thoughts struggling in an apocalyptic cataclysm._

_The dreams of the "promised" girl and Toudai that had haunted him through the years and drove him forward like a carrot on a stick?_

_The endless cycle of violence that seemed to occur?_

_That a voice in his head remarked acidly that a rabid Rottweiler seemed nice and tame compared to Naru and Motoko on PMS?_

_He felt anger rising._

_The vixen Mitsune a.k.a. Kitsune who seemed to somehow trick him for some reason? And that his bank account was almost empty due to Kitsune's scheming tricks?_

_More anger rose, bubbling like a festering cauldron._

_That Kaolla Su had tried to turn him into a cyborg Mecha-Tama yesterday? He still had nightmares of being vivisected by the crazed gaijin._

_Fear turned to anger was added._

_That Sarah had destroyed his Meat Loaf CDs and stolen his Alice Cooper T-shirt? He was really beginning to get some strange urges to chuck the little blonde gaijin headfirst out of the third floor of the building. Placing sharpened stakes where she fell._

_He tried subduing those feelings of homicidal impulses and tinges of hatred._

_That his studies seemed to go nowhere, despite all of his strained efforts?_

_Frustration was added to the mix._

_That Motoko hit him for listening to Cher, since the kendoist detested gaijin music? What in the world is wrong with being interested in foreign music?_

_Yet another chip on his shoulder against the swordswoman._

_That he was sick being an unlucky bastard who somehow managed to see people of the opposite gender naked or managing to be a klutz without even trying hard?_

_Self-pity rising to new levels as well._

_The thought of him slowly undressing Mutsumi while passionately kissing her and-... err...forget about it. Involving Mutsumi in his adult NC-17 fantasies seemed very wrong to him for some reason._

_Why the hell did that suddenly appear?_

_That "aunt" Haruka always detested that he addressed her as "aunt" and resorted to physical violence to make him see his error of his words?_

_He wanted to lace her tea with strychnine and make her drink it._

_Pissed at Seta for being an overly cheerful and optimistic bastard and suddenly having a strong urge to re-arrange his face with a blowtorch and a pair of tweezers? Jealously can be something that drives people on._

_Jealousy exploded like a raging inferno inside, conflicting violently with a self-destructive neurotic obsession._

_So many things were tossing, turning and tearing at each other that he lost control. Old inhibitions seemed to cease and gave room to something new..._

(They will pay! Oh, yes! They will pay!)

Keitaro was startled by the realization that his brain was living its own life now. He tried to suppress the negative thoughts that were mostly directed against Narusegawa and Motoko. He lost since it seemed that his sub-consciousness was co-operating with his brain for some twisted reason. He tried to reach for his reason, but it seemed that today his reason wanted him to be on his own today.

His brain was even now suggesting that he should by several insurances involving hazards and accidents. He could actually earn some vast sums of money, by harvesting the insurances.

Too bad he was broke, courtesy of Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno.

Another thought strafing through corners in his head suggested he could begin drawing or sketching pictures again and get a permit to sell pictures on the streets again to haul in some cash. He had done that a few times in the months that followed after for each time he flunked the entry exams to Toudai. A Eurasian gaijin he had met had recommended that he should instead apply for something that had to do with art instead of the Tokyo University, telling him there was more to life than a university so prestigious that it made most normal and practical Japanese throw up in disgust when they heard someone praise it like was the gateway to Paradise. Kanako who was with him when selling his works of art translated what the foreigner had said to him, since she was better with English than him. Keitaro suddenly wished more than ever that he had listened to that man as well as Kanako and their parents and instead stuck with the family business.

Thoughts and raging feelings converged together, plotting. After several minutes of persuasion, Keitaro's mind managed to tear down any resistance left in him. It seemed that his forsaking reason had returned from that trip, defected and stated why he "should" take **revenge** on those who plagued him.

* * *

(How dare they treat Sempai that way!) Shinobu mentally screamed to herself in anger, surprising even her timid self in its seething rage.

She was angry at Naru and Motoko, but mostly angry at herself for allowing the abuse to continue without any justified reason. Keitaro was just teaching her how to waltz for God's sake! Why couldn't the others treat Keitaro like a human being? Well they did treat him as a person with feelings on rare occasions, but Shinobu knew that they didn't outweigh the bad times that occurred. While she loved Keitaro in a romantic sense, she knew that she was too young and he too old for each other; but still it was nice to daydream about being married to him even if he didn't make it to Toudai, showing that she cared for him even if he wasn't that successful as a student. Unlike Motoko who preferred old Japanese traditions, she liked church weddings for some obscure romantic reason. She deemed it wise not to tell the older kendoist about that.

"Are you all right, Sempai?" she asked Keitaro, concern in her quivering voice.

"I think so, Shinobu-chan….Or then again, maybe not. Could you please help me up?"

Even if she was the second youngest of the tenants in the Hinata-sou, Shinobu managed to straighten and help Keitaro up from his rather painful prone position on the floor. She thought she heard the sound of something popping and cracking as she did it.

"I seriously don't know what's usually crawling up the asses of Naru and Motoko every day, and frankly, I don't want to know either." He spat out as if a dam had burst and released a flood of anger.

Shinobu looked a little shocked after Keitaro's outburst.

(He actually dared to openly come with insulting comments?)

He saw her confusion and said, "Sorry about that, Shinobu, but I'm not feeling well after that destructive duo manhandled me."

"I think 'manhandled' is a little to weak in my opinion, Sempai." Shinobu answered in a sincere tone. "If it hadn't been for your invulnerability it would have bordered on attempted torture and murder!"

Keitaro shuddered a little when he began to brood on Shinobu's words. While he at least knew that he could survive Naru and Motoko on their worst, he feared for the lives and safety of his fellow males if they should ever have the misfortune to cross them in any way. Sometimes when accompanying either Naru, Motoko or both in the town with the other tenants, he was sometimes forced to stage "accidents" that were interpreted as perverted by the two to save the lives of other innocent males. Haitani and Shirai really owed him a few favours for taking the beatings that would have struck them. He would survive a deadly blow from Naru and Motoko. They would die if Naru or Motoko struck in full rage. At least the two girls showed control the few times they hit other people than him in rare occasions, holding back a "little". He would hate to scrape the remains of his friends from the walls and floors of the Hinata-sou if they ever made Naru and Motoko really angry.

"And not to mention that Su should know that her 'greeting/hello' kicks could break a person's neck sooner or later."

"Isn't that the reason why Hiroshi the postman ended up in the hospital when he delivered those packages and that he later quit his job and ended up as a fisherman several miles from Hinata while raving about blonde gaijins from hell that should be deported back to their countries in small cages with straitjackets and muzzles?"

"Didn't Sarah also "greet" him?" Shinobu added.

"I wasn't there when it happened, but I have a hunch that Sarah had participated in it, especially since Hiroshi ranted about making a homemade thermonuclear bomb and turning North America into a giant smoking crater."

"I seem to remember him asking me to 'borrow' some plutonium from Su's room and give it to him, but fortunately I reminded him that Kaolla's been locking her radioactive stuff in a high security storeroom since that 'incident' with the guy who wanted to sell her plutonium and uranium to the highest bidder."

"Poor guy," Keitaro said, wincing a bit.

Since Su's traps where mostly meant for him, it turned out rather messy with the poor burglar. He actually thanked the police for arresting him, saving him from a fate worse than death (even though he had lost both his legs, his left eye and his right hand). He afterwards sued the royal family of Molmol (for attempted murder on foreign land) and actually won the case, receiving an awful lot of money that enabled him to live like a normal (handicapped for life) guy without any financial problems for the rest of his life. Something he did, and he never married anyone since he was a rather cynical bastard who preferred the life and freedom of a bachelor to the problematic chain and frustration of matrimony.

Keitaro's mind then returned to the subject contemplated: Getting even.

* * *

After Shinobu had patched him up with the remaining bandages in the inn's first aid kit (he needed to buy a new one or a pile of them for emergencies), Keitaro had returned to his room and was sulking in his futon.

He knew that a direct confrontation was out of the question. He knew he couldn't match Naru and Motoko when it came to raw power and skill.

However there were other alternatives….

* * *

It was in the middle of the night that Naru woke up with a serious need to use the toilet. She mentally muttered to herself not to eat too much of Shinobu's cooking before going to sleep.

Tiredly she went to the bathroom and relieved herself.

Suddenly she had a feeling that something was very wrong here…..

* * *

A scream rang through the Hinata-sou, waking up the sleeping tenants.

"Urashima! Get your stinking hands off her!" Motoko shouted as she ran towards the bathroom, her hand around the handle of her sheathed sword. She violently opened the door and saw that Keitaro was in fact not here.

There was in fact only Naru sitting on the toilet.

Suddenly Motoko realized what was wrong.

All the toilet paper was gone.

Some of her notes and study papers lay in a small basket beside her. Notes needed for Naru's next test.

And Motoko suddenly had to use the toilet herself.

Shinobu's cooking was too good for her own good.

Since the Hinata-sou formerly had been an inn before it became a dormitory, it did house a few toilets for the customers. Motoko concluded that she could use one of the other toilets and then bring Naru a roll of toilet paper.

She didn't find any.

The only thing she found in the last toilet was a basket full of her own haiku and calligraphy scrolls.

Someone was going to die for this.

Another scream rang through the inn as well. A scream of both rage and horror at the same time.

* * *

Keitaro chuckled evilly as he stashed the entire storage of toilet paper into a secret compartment he had found by accident a few weeks ago in the basement and had then decided that it was a good place to hide some of his savings from Kitsune. He had forgotten that he had stashed some cash in case of emergencies. Now it would be used as an instrument for his revenge.

(And thus only I know the secret location of the toilet paper.) Keitaro thought jokingly to himself. He wondered how the girls would handle the fact that the toilet paper was gone.

"Sempai?" a familiar voice said.

(Eep!) was the panicked word going through his head.

"You forgot these," Shinobu said as she placed three rolls of toilet paper into the compartment.

Keitaro stared at her as if she was an alien bodysnatcher trying to imitate the younger girl's appearance and manner.

"What?" was the irritated response from Shinobu as her "Sempai" was looking at her as if he had seen a ghost. It was strange to her to see Keitaro wearing casual blue jeans and an Iron Maiden t-shirt.

"Why are you helping me?" He looked puzzled, confused.

"I just felt like it," she answered sincerely but quietly. "And I also started my own prank."

"Huh?" was the confused response coming from Keitaro.

She told him, and Keitaro chuckled.

(Quite a no-win situation those two are in. Either make use of the things put there by Shinobu, or having to wait for someone to buy them some toilet paper.)

* * *

"I'm sorry, Narusegawa," Keitaro lied, "I forgot to purchase spare toilet paper while I was buying stuff to patch up the roof and walls."

"At least give us something else to use," growled Naru at him.

"I'm not giving you my clothes or my manga and doujins!"

"I'm not asking you nicely – I'm ordering you!"

Keitaro sighed, turned around and left as he began to yawn.

"You come back here!" was the cry erupting from Naru.

Keitaro ignored her. He was tired and felt that his bruised body really craved some well-deserved sleep. And his brain was still telling him that it maybe would be educational for the two to suffer for a change, making them see that he at least deserved some respect for fulfilling his chores as the dorm's manager/man-slave.

He guessed most guys would have envied him for having such a job, while others most likely would either call him a masochist begging to be dominated like the bitch he was or downright bloody stupid.

Venturing to his room, Keitaro tiredly opened the door and closed it after entering. He considered purchasing a western door despite it looking out of place if the traditional sliding door was replaced by an internationally more used door design. At least then he could lock the door of his room to ensure some privacy.

He then looked at the hole in the ceiling leading to Naru's room, her Liddo-kun covering it from above…

A while later a poster of the X-Men 2 movie where the actors were posing in the X-Men costumes was taped to the ceiling, covering the hole completely.

Naru or anyone else for that matter would pay dearly if they damaged it.

Then he removed his clothes, wearing only his underwear and lay down on his futon, too tired to dress into his pyjamas, hoping that sleep would soon take him into her loving embrace and lull him into the land of the dreaming where he so many times had sought sanctuary and hope..

* * *

_This time he wasn't dreaming about the "promised girl" (or the Tokyo University for that matter) at all._

_This was a dream where he found himself stranded in an old Earthworm Jim TV episode. In this dream he was helping Jim repeatedly blast Queen Slug-For-A-Butt with a kick-ass ray gun of his own and laughing like a madman. He found it quite odd that the diabolical alien queen slightly resembled Naru. He also got attacked by Jim's sidekick Peter Puppy when he transformed into a monster again, but after a severe trashing he managed to tickle Peter and turn him back to normal again. Then he had to face Bob the Goldfish who now looked like a goldfish version of Sarah MacDougal carried in a fishbowl by a cat-like version of Seta. And after that he had to battle the army of Mecha-Tamas made by Professor Monkey-for-a-Head…or was it Professor Kaolla-for-a-Head? Then came an all-out battle to the death with Evil the Cat, now resembling Kitsune, after foiling her plan to destroy the universe with something that had to do with sake… And not to mention that Psy-Crow both looked like and acted like Motoko on a reeaaallllllly **bad** day. Keitaro simply zapped her again and again till he was out of ammo. Then he took the pocket rocket for a joyride…..and smashed into Henchrat (resembling his dear "aunt") before rocketing into space._

_Keitaro began to hum the Earthworm Jim theme song in his sleep._

(Groovy!)

_Despite his great big muscles and his really big ray gun….._

* * *

Meanwhile Naru and Motoko where sitting in the toilets. Angry as hell. The quite ironic fact was that they could have left a long time ago had they but used the implements actually put there by Shinobu Maehara, but since they had their pride and Naru really needed those notes, they just sat there.

* * *

The next morning Keitaro had managed to rise up somewhat late and had then gone to the closest supermarket to buy toilet paper for the toilets and three first aid kits in case of an emergency (usually involving Motoko and swords and Naru's fists and feet). Luckily a bit of his hidden savings allowed him to buy all this without any trouble.

The two were grateful for the toilet paper.

And Keitaro was lucky that they were so tired that they instead went to their rooms to sleep rather than smash to him a pulp.

"This day seems promising," he said to himself while hoping for a nice and quiet day where he could read porn and h-doujin in peace and not be a man-slave.

Too bad for him that Kitsune was out of sake today…

* * *

The next chapter is ironically titled: LSD-Spiked Sake or why Ms. Alcohol and Mr. Match can't be friends.

_Kitsune_ _is seen running around screaming with her hair on fire inside the living room of the Hinata-sou._

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

* * *

_Fic writer's notes: Decided to revise the earlier chapters a bit since the planned storyline in my head took a different route through the years._


	2. LSDSpiked Sake

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina.

Chris Oddland presents: No More Mr Nice Guy

* * *

Chapter 2: LSD-Spiked Sake or why Ms. Alcohol and Mr. Match can't be friends

* * *

Keitaro thought that this would be a day of rest and relaxation.

He was now lying on the couch in the living room and reading some good-quality pornography.

True Haitani and Shirai sometimes acted more like exploiting, backstabbing bastards than friends, but they really had good taste when it came to porn and everything that had to do with NC-17 stuff.

Normally he would be cleaning the hot springs, the floor, fixing the roof and several other chores in the morning, but now it seemed that he finally had some time off. The holes from yesterday could wait.

He soon grew bored with seeing only naked women and switched to another magazine.

Now he was admiring the attributes of several well-endowed women in a Playboy magazine bought from Haitani who had ordered Playboy for three years and sometimes sold off some of them when he lacked cash (and after he had scanned the pictures with a scanner).

He could spend minutes (sometimes even hours) gazing at one picture at a time.

However this tranquillity could not last….. for as he discovered: Kitsune was out of sake.

Since Sarah was now with Seta; Su on a trip to a science convention; Shinobu out shopping groceries, the young manager estimated the probability that it was unlikely that they would be back soon. Naru and Motoko were sleeping in their rooms. That meant that he could openly read in peace.

"I didn't know you had it in you, Keitaro," a familiar voice teasingly observed, startling him.

Kitsune smiled at him, grinning like a devious, beautiful minx that would inflame passion in anybody had she but wanted to.

"I've read porn and adult magazines before, Kitsune, you know that." Keitaro reminded her in a matter of fact tone.

"But in the living room?"

"There's always a first time." Shrugged Keitaro, returning to his adult magazine while trying to ignore the resident alcohol consumer. He hoped that Mitsune didn't want him to go on an "errand" as usual and buy her sake on his expense. He had never really forgiven her for making him lose his first job and sometimes he really got some strange urges to stuff a sake bottle down her throat and watch her thrash around in agony as she choked slowly to death.

Mitsune Konno flashed a foxy smile at him as she leaned down to peek at what he was looking at, revealing her cleavage to him. Unfortunately Keitaro was not looking at her but at several other drop dead gorgeous women in lingerie.

(Just concentrate on pretty women…. Just concentrate on pretty women….) Keitaro's mind chanted again and again, while forcing Keitaro's eyes to remain glued to the magazine pictures.

Kitsune looked quite irritated as her usual efforts to "persuade" Keitaro into buying her some sake bottles were ignored by said target. He seemed suddenly to be quite taken with all the pictures as soon as he became aware of her presence. But he was Keitaro Urashima, and she was Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno - and no one could stop her from getting what she wanted.

"Wouldn't you think that would fit me perfectly?" she then said cheerfully as she put her finger on one of the pictures showing a really beautiful piece of lingerie.

Keitaro's face began to turn slightly red as Kitsune said that and there seemed to be small drops of blood running from his nose.

(_DANGER! DANGER! WILL ROBINSON!_)

He knew he should never have watched that Lost In Space Marathon last week. It was funny to hear the cowardly doctor rant and ramble though while badmouthing the poor robot at the same time.

There's no need to mention that Keitaro in fact didn't want to buy sake for the sake-swilling young woman. In fact he wanted to spend **his** money on something **he** wanted.

"Or what about this? I bet Naru would look good in this one."

This little remark made Keitaro even redder and blood seeped like waterfalls through his nose as several erotic images of Naru posing in lingerie and stripteasing in front of him ran through his head. Okay, so he did have a neurotic crush on her; but he had to admit that she was good looking and she was nice in (very, very) rare moments when he could see her good side (at least he thought it was).

In a reflex-like motion, Keitaro lifted his head up… and came face to face with Kitsune's "appendages".

"Uh…well…-"

"Why don't ya buy some sake and I won't tell Naru and Motoko that you were staring at my chest and that you also were having naughty thoughts about Naru too - Deal?"

"…." Keitaro said….

* * *

"So you want sake." Keitaro grumbled. "I'll give you sake, you bloody vamp!"

Normally he would have been a good live punching bag/man-slave and done all this without really complaining and everything would repeat itself, but now Keitaro was in a very bad mood.

His mind was cooking up another sinister scheme. This time for Mitsune Konno, the free-loading vixen of the dormitory.

He was imagining himself dressed as a devil holding an extremely sharp trident while slowly boiling a screaming Kitsune in a black cauldron filled with boiling oil. Her agonized screams sounding like wonderful music to his ears. His sub-consciousness also added Naru, Motoko, Kaolla, Sarah, Seta and his "aunt Haruka" to the fray. Devil Keitaro began to laugh as he beheld the inhuman agony of his victims as they boiled in oil, pushing them viciously back in the cauldron with his wicked-looking trident when they tried clambering out in desperation.

He was now walking down the streets of Hinata carrying a plastic bag filled with three bottles of expensive sake that Kitsune wanted and this had emptied 1/3 of the money in his wallet. Luckily he had gained the foresight to hide away some of his savings in the basement as a precaution. He was considering changing the password of his debit card, if he was feeling more paranoid.

"Hey, Keitaro."

He knew that voice. He stopped in his tracks.

He turned around and saw Haitani and Shirai smiling at him.

"Tough day as usual?" Shirai continued.

"Want me to whack you with this plastic bag?" he warned him, holding up the object for emphasis, rattling it so that the bottles jingled.

"Chill, Keitaro." Haitani quickly answered and then asked: "A new bakery's been opened and I've heard they sell some really good food there. Wanna come with us? We're paying for you, since you helped us sneak into the Hinata-sou and made it possible for us to take pictures of the girls in the hot springs."

"I think you guys should stay clear off the Hinata-sou for the next hundred years or so. Naru and Motoko never really forgave you for scanning their heads on the bodies of various porn stars and posting them on the internet." Keitaro reminded them. Luckily for him Naru and the others never knew that had helped them since he managed to get an alibi by cleaning the basement at the time. "But I have to admit that it was worth it to see the faces of the two when Naru's 'friends' and Motoko's 'disciples' called them and told them what they found on the net." He finished with a grin.

"Didn't they take it out on you?" Haitani asked.

"As usual," he sighed while pushing his glasses upward. "They launched me up to fifteen miles longer than their usual distance and I crashed into a police car."

"I take it you were arrested and your aunt had to bail you out."

"Actually, no. Luckily I knew the guy. He used to date aunt Haruka a few years before he got sick of her constantly comparing her to her ex and belittling him and broke up with her. I never knew her ex was Seta at the time."

"How did you meet him?"

"Well, a few years ago aunt Haruka came home to my family on a visit and she brought him with her and introduced him to us. Actually I think he just wanted to get to know our family better and 'persuaded' aunt Haruka to visit us. I actually liked him. He could actually drive, compared to Seta."

"Seta can't drive. You know that." Came from Haitani with a snort.

"I would cross out 'drive' and replace it with 'raping the driveway' with his utter incompetence when it comes to handling cars." Commented the manager of the Hinata-sou dryly. "Last time I sat in his van he crashed into an orphanage, almost turning small kids into roadkill. Sarah also wanted Seta to drive over a few of the kids just for fun. Luckily I managed to grab the hand brake that time!"

Shirai whistled. "Sometimes I really feel sorry for ya, Keitaro. And to think that I used to envy you for shacking up with those broads."

"Being grabbed by the groin and smashed relentlessly to the ground repeatedly does that to you." Keitaro winced remembering the day Kimiaki Shirai accidentally did "a Keitaro" and placed a hand on Naru's chest. The sight wasn't pretty and luckily for Shirai Keitaro managed to convince Motoko (who was also present at the time) not to castrate him with her sword slowly. The hospital managed to patch and sew him up, but the somewhat large hospital bill was quite unexpected.

He also remembered how Haitani had squealed when Motoko hit him in the groin with one of her shinais after he had tried to make her go on a date with him and then suddenly did "a Keitaro" too, and that he crashed through the giant glass window of a nearby bookstore. He shuddered when his memory replayed the pain-filled sounds Masyuki Haitani made that day, lying there, before the ambulance came.

(Invulnerability is a nice thing to have when you live with girls who acted like refugees from Ranma ½ on crack.) Keitaro thought sarcastically.

But he had to admit that they were good-looking, at least.

* * *

"Man that stuff sure was good." A satisfied Keitaro said as he patted his full stomach. Haitani and Shirai weren't kidding when they said that they sold excellent baked goods.

He strolled down the streets carrying the plastic bag containing the three sake bottles in his right hands. They had parted a few blocks from here, all three of them going their separate ways.

He then remembered that he had to give Kitsune her sake; and shuddered at the mischief she could cause of her whims were not fulfilled.

He got a déjà vu feeling concerning how he had so easily gotten sidetracked by his friends. It reminded him of the various Freakazoid episodes he used to watch on TV back home. Almost every time Freakazoid was busy with saving the day, his friend, the police officer Cosgrove would appear and sidetrack him with something.

He was interrupted when someone suddenly pounced on him from behind.

"Keetaroooo!" a well-known voice cried out… and he was nearly strangled as the owner of that voice gripped her arms around his neck and squeezed as she began to cry.

"Urk!" was all Keitaro said.

"Su got expelled from the science convention for bringing stuff!" Kaolla Su wailed.

"What?"

"They said it was illegal to bring drugs to the science convention and threw me out"

"Drugs?"

"Yeah, I cooked something up in my lab, using rare herbs and plants only found on Molmol."

"Please don't tell me it's heroin or opium, Su. It would be quite a scandal to your family if you got deported for distributing dangerous substances to Japanese kids, teenagers and adults. I remember the time you gave Seta those opium cigarettes and that he almost got addicted to them hadn't it been for aunt Haruka threatening to make him a eunuch if he continued smoking them while pressing a loaded handgun to his groin."

"Not heroin." Su told him, "LSD. It's more fun." She then flashed a grin, showing him her pearly white teeth.

"So you've made hallucinogenic drugs." An exasperated Keitaro muttered out to her. (Great this day just keeps getting better and better!) He suddenly imagined himself being arrested and blamed for letting minors mix up strange stuff that would most likely make people see neon pink fish swimming up in the sky and listen to poisonous mushrooms that urge them to eat them while elephants polkaed around the streets, letting him rot in jail for the rest of his life.

"I hope they confiscated everything, Su." Keitaro said to the younger girl.

"Nope, I managed to smuggle a small batch of it." Kaolla Su answered as she reached into one of her pockets and pulled out a small, palm-sized transparent plastic bag containing something that looked like powder.

He snatched it out of her hand. "I'll take that." And put into his right pocket. "I'll try to talk with the staff and convince them that it was just a cultural misunderstanding due to the fact that you're from another country and aren't aware of all our laws."

(While the truth actually is that you walk over Japanese laws like it's your personal doormat,) he added mentally.

"Thanks, Keitaro." Kaolla sweetly smiled at him… and promptly gave him a kick in the face as a sign of gratitude.

(If this is how people from Molmol thank people, I don't want to see what they do to their enemies.) He then remembered how poor Hiroshi had been hospitalized by Su's greeting kick, and how he ranted of revenge against the evil foreigner when Keitaro had visited him and given him some flowers. The former postman was probably somewhere abroad in a fishing boat, planning his revenge against Kaolla Su and laughing maniacally.

Luckily the bottles weren't broken as they hit him in the face as he fell down and waved his arms in desperation. It looked quite amusing to most people passing by seeing a young man clonk himself in the face with a bag full of sake bottles while falling down. A few males passing by winced. "I'm glad I'm not living in that nuthouse of a dormitory, Mitsuhiko."

"Amen to that, Ikuya." His friend said.

(Mustn't get prejudiced thoughts against people from strange island nations…. Mustn't get prejudiced thoughts against people from strange island nations… Must resist urge to **throttle** Su and **throw** her into a tank full of **piranhas** …..)

* * *

After walking home (while at the same time giving Kaolla Su a piggyback ride), Keitaro just sighed as he removed his shoes and entered. Walking to the living room, he collapsed on the couch. Luckily for Su, since he fell on his stomach, she wasn't crushed to the sofa by Keitaro's bulk (which would probably have led to a confrontation with Naru and/or Motoko as they had the notion that he was in fact quite lecherous and a potential danger to every member of the opposite gender in the world).

Sometimes he really couldn't blame them for that. A lot of times his clumsiness did ensure that a lot of girls in the past regarded him as a pervert. Like that incident with Kimie in the classroom when he was 16. Sometimes he had the feeling that his hands were living a life of their own since one of them had gripped Kimie's butt as he suddenly stumbled on that fateful day after one of his fellow pupils tried to trip him.

Her boyfriend didn't like it and had been nice enough not to clobber him like a madman (and clobbered the guy who tried to trip Keitaro instead), but glued his hands to his desk to ensure that his hands kept to themselves for the rest of the day. He was nice enough to feed him during lunch and after school was over for the day, he released him. It was quite difficult to write using the mouth to handle the pencil since his hands were glued and that they had a test that day though. Luckily he didn't need to use the toilet at that time.

Takeshi hadn't been one of those who taunted him with the constant Taro Urashima jokes at school, preferring to leave most people alone, but when provoked he could be quite mean and sinister.

He remembered that some bullies used to pick on another guy at school just because he was a Korean. Takeshi responded by giving them a righteous beating that would make even Naru proud. After that no one picked on the other pupils who were of different nationalities while Takeshi still attended that school. And neither did pupils of different nationalities bother the natives for that matter. He was big on law and order for everyone after all.

"Su." Keitaro groaned.

"Yes?"

"You're heavy. Please get off me."

"Okay." She cheerfully responded and went up the stairs to her room, forgetting the small bag which Keitaro had so earlier confiscated like it was no big deal.

Tearing down the corridor she stopped in her tracks as her eyes beheld a tiny creature walking on the floor.

(It's Chow Time!) Su thought as she saw Tama, her mouth beginning to water.

"Myuh?" Tama chirped. She didn't like it when Su got that gleam in her eyes.

Kaolla made a sudden lunge for the tiny baby turtle - who easily avoided her feeble efforts to catch and devour her by flying up in the air. Unfortunately for Su, Tama-chan also responded by making a small loop and then headbutted her as hard as she could in the back of of her head. Kaolla Su crashed face-first onto the floor.

"MYUH!"

"Oowies!" Su groaned as she nursed her forehead.

Tama then flew away.

"Ooo you are so going to get it!" Su said smilingly and tried to pursue the flying Tama.

Which she couldn't since:

**a) she jumped off the balcony**

**b) she couldn't fly**

**c) gravity seemed to take a severe interest in her today**

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

_SPLASH_

Luckily for her she fell into the hot springs.

"Myuh!" Tama chirped happily as she saw Su fall. Maybe she would one day learn to fly.

* * *

"Huh? Did I hear something?" Keitaro muttered as he lay exhausted on the couch after giving Su a piggyback ride. The plastic bag lay beside him. "Must have been the wind," he simply shrugged and rose, deciding to blow off some steam.

* * *

Kitsune was pretty miffed. That was because Keitaro was in fact several hours late. Prancing around in her room in impatience while grumbling about unreliable managers. "Where is that Keitaro? He should have been here with my sake hours ago."

She decided to go to the living room and watch some TV (and afterwards have some fun at Keitaro's expense by telling Naru and Motoko when they wake up about the incident with Keitaro earlier).

"This ain't the garden of Eden… There ain't no angels above… And things ain't what it used to be… And this ain't the summer of love…"

A very familiar voice was utilizing the karaoke machine in the living room. She also heard that someone switch to another song.

"Your cruel device… Your blood, like ice…. One look could kill… My pain, your thrill… I want to hold you but I better not touch…"

* * *

"You're Poison runnin' thru my veins…. You're Poison…. I don't want to break these chains…" Keitaro was enjoying singing one of his favourite Alice Cooper songs now having earlier sung the lyrics of a Blue Öyster Cult song.

"So there you are!" an irritated voice said to him. He didn't have to be a genius to know that it was Kitsune whom he earlier had "promised" to procure some sake for (with his hard-earned cash). "You're late; and where's my sake?" she also added sourly.

"In the plastic bag on the couch, Kitsune," Keitaro answered to her in a friendly manner. He had calmed down a bit after meeting Haitani and Shirai and handling Su-chan, and didn't harbour any negative thoughts and feelings about Mitsune at the time being, the singing having helped too.

Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno inspected the three bottles. "To make up for being late you have to buy at least six more."

"Six more? Do you know how much these actually cost, Kitsune? I refu-" He didn't get to finish as the resident vixen began to seductively trail a finger around his chest while smiling as his face began to turn redder than a ripe tomato in a grocery store that was stolen by a shoplifter and thrown into the front window of a high-speeding car, causing it to crash into an Acme Dynamite Factory, exploding and blowing the building sky high.

"What was that again?" Kitsune emphasized by becoming more intimate by increasing the pressure on her finger and giving him a look filled with longing and intimacy as her cheeks reddened, giving her the look of a woman longing for love, understanding and pleasure at the same time. She then began to tilt her head slightly downwards, slightly exposing her cleavage to the young manager.

Unfortunately for her, Keitaro's nose unexpectedly began to spray out a severe amount of blood, splashing her face and new shirt with the liquid distributed through his body by his heart. He also fell backwards and landed on the couch. "Gaaah! Ooof!"

"Just look what you did to my brand new shirt (not to mention my face and hair)!" Mitsune shrieked angrily.

"Sorry about your shirt, Kitsune, but you know what happens when you expose your 'tremendous' chest every time." Keitaro pointed out while wiping the blood from his nose with a handkerchief that he kept in his right back pocket in case of severe nose bleeding. He then noticed a few bloodstains on his glasses and proceeded to also clean them while Mitsune glared angrily at him.

"Sake! Out! **Now!**" she ordered. Needless to say the young and unfortunate manager/man-slave was a few minutes later seen hightailing it out of the inn.

His mission: To buy six bottles of expensive sake or **suffer** **the consequences**. He knew that usually meant that the exploiting, two-faced vixen would con Naru and Motoko into believing that he was up to something with NC-17 intentions - resulting in that he would emulate a space shuttle launch.

The anger flared up again. Normally he would have been a kind-hearted nitwit who was too kind (and too naïve) for his own good that would have just shrugged it off like it was nothing. He was seriously considering starting a lock-out as a protest against the inhuman conditions he went through as the manager who was inept at controlling the violent outbursts and antics of the tenants who rented their rooms there.

He began fingering various items in his right and felt the plastic exterior of the small bag containing Su's "homemade" LSD.

He suddenly got a very a devious idea and grinned a satanic grin.

"Something on your mind, Keitaro?" a voice addressed him in a partly accented Japanese.

"Hello, Father Isaac." Keitaro greeted the Roman-Catholic priest of the church in the vicinity of Hinata. Despite being a Catholic, Father Isaac had a shrewd sense of humour. He enjoyed watching Life of Brian by Monty Python (not to mention singing Every Sperm Is Sacred a few times in public) and listening to metal. He was also very open-minded and tolerant of most other religions (despite being a Catholic).

* * *

_In the meantime…._

Seta was handcuffed by a grinning police officer for endangering people in the traffic after locking Sarah MacDougal in the back of the patrol car for assaulting an officer of the law with a jewelled, ceremonial dagger used for human sacrifices.

"Still the speed-junkie, eh, Seta?" he said casually pressed Seta very roughly against the front of the car while cuffing him.

"Let me out of here!" Sarah cried out in rage trying to hammer herself out with her tiny fists, but only resulting in her hurting her hands.

"Let's see: Driving too fast; assisting attempted murder with a sharp object; endangering pedestrians; giving an old lady a heart attack, blah… blah… blah… And not to mention excavating an ancient tomb in a foreign country without proper admission from the local authorities... I think you're in for a long time behind bars, Noriyasu. You have the right to remain silent…-"

He wondered how his ex would react when she found out that he had arrested her "Oh So Precious, High And Mighty, Smart and not to mention Attractive" Seta. That would teach her not to constantly have nagged him about not being as perfect as the Indiana Jones wannabe he just cuffed.

"I was framed!" Seta complained. It wasn't his fault that his employer had double-crossed him by forging fake documents that allowed him to excavate the ancient resting place of an infamous high priest and (the rest of the clergy who were entombed alive with him). After fighting off hordes of the living dead (after prying the dagger from the dead high priest's dried-out fingers) with only a rusty pick and a **very** sharpened shovel and managing to claw his way out after the tomb collapsed after a boulder trap missed him and hit one of the main pillars inside with the prized dagger, he was forced to "evade" the police who "informed" him that the admission was "false" and he had **desecrated** a tomb.

He was ignored and roughly (and deliberately) shoved into the patrol car which drove off to the nearest police station while Sarah tried to still punch and kick her way out.

* * *

"Seriously," Father Isaac pointed out while he and Keitaro were in the small confessional booths inside the church, "haven't you ever considered moving from the place if you're always sent sky high for every mistake made?"

"That has crossed my mind a few times, yes," Keitaro confessed. Keitaro had never been a very religious person in the past, but he had come to respect Father Isaac after meeting him a few months ago after crashing into the clock tower of the church and being peeled off the giant bell by the priest and a few other people, leaving a man-shaped imprint on the bell. He had then woken up on a soft bed and had then met the rather weird priest who had a strange sense of humour.

It seemed that the Catholic Church had shipped him off to Japan just to get rid of him for numerous pranks and off-colour jokes.

It was nice to talk to him though. Even though he wasn't exactly a Catholic, Keitaro sometimes came to confessions (but that was most often when he crashed through the wall and into the confession booth after irritating either Naru or Motoko). Luckily he always miraculously managed to scrape together enough money to pay for the repairs.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned… or to be more precise I will sin in just about a few hours." Keitaro then began glumly.

"May I remind you that the Catholic Church stopped selling indulgences a few centuries ago, Keitaro." Father Isaac informed him.

"Yes, Father, I've read a few books about European history and religions around the world." Keitaro answered him openly. "But to make it short - Today I want to get even with **one** girl in particular for **exploiting** me almost every day and making me lose my first part-time job."

After telling Father Isaac about his scheme, the priest grinned maniacally. "Go with God, Keitaro Urashima, and punish all those who have wronged you in a very despicable and humorous manner that will make many pranksters around the world green with envy when they hear about it. Here's something to read by the way." He said handing Keitaro a magazine.

* * *

After having bought the six (expensive) sake bottles for Kitsune in the nearest store that sold it (it was far away) and returned to the inn-turned-dormitory Keitaro cheerfully went whistling (at least he tried to, but failed) into the kitchen with the plastic bag which contained the sake bottles in his left hand.

Kitsune lay relaxingly on the couch, three empty sake bottles lying on the nearest table. After Keitaro ran off she had thrown her blood-stained clothes in the washing machine and taken a relaxing bath in the hot spring; and after dressing herself in some new expensive fashion clothes bought with money scammed from the young, hapless manager of the dorm, she began enjoying the sake Keitaro "bought" for her. She merely shrugged as Keitaro went by. "Just put them on the table." She commanded him and then hiccuped.

"Okay, Kitsune," Keitaro replied. "Should I open them up too?"

"That would be nice."

"I take it you want to chuck them down right away?"

"Yup."

Unnoticed by Kitsune, Keitaro was pouring the entire content of a tiny plastic bag into one of the opened sake bottles. After returning from the kitchen with a plate carrying all the six sake bottles (that were opened by him), he saw that Mitsune began to lick her lips in anticipation of tasting the beverage.

Keitaro flashed another satanic grin as she chugged down the spiked contents of the bottle…..

"Why are there pink turtles flying around the ceiling upside-down?" Mitsune suddenly asked as she glanced at the ceiling which didn't in fact have any pink turtles flying around in circles whatsoever. Keitaro observed the vixen's eyes; they were quite blurry for some reason.

He went to his room with a satisfied smile; carrying a **hardcore XXX magazine** with the headline: **1** Monastery. **30** Nuns. **1** Monk. Lots of **spare time** and **imagination**.

Father Isaac had told him about the time he had smuggled one of these into the room of a bishop and caused quite a ruckus which made him laugh a villainous laughter every time he thought about it.

(I didn't know priests could read stuff like this?) Keitaro thought. Haitani and Shirai would turn green with envy if he told him he had gotten this most sought after issue of adult entertainment.

* * *

Naru and Motoko were staring in disbelief at Kitsune who was prancing around the living room as an erratic tornado. The living room looked like a bomb site as Mitsune Konno giggled while pouring several alcoholic beverages over her hair. These mentioned were from her own private liquor cabinet in her room. She did this because she thought the liquor was begging her to drink them or pour them over her scalp.

She giggled once again as she saw Naru, since she appeared as green as the Hulk. Envisioning her best buddy as the She-Hulk seemed quite amusing to her (even though She-Hulk had a somewhat better temper than the talented but also easily angered Ms. Narusegawa). Motoko on the other hand was as white as a sheet… and covered with pink polka dots all over.

"Light me," said the little match in her hand while the matchbox rested in the other. Mitsune complied, striking it against the matchbox and holding the lit match close to her alcohol-soaked hair.

Most people knew the simple mathematical answer to this: Lit match plus flammable alcohol, equals - **Ouch!**

Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno's hair was ablaze like a funeral pyre.

Kitsune was aware of that.

That was why she was running around the room like a panicked, headless chicken while her hair continued burning.

"_!_"

Naru and Motoko winced in pain as they became witnesses to this display of burning proportions. The stench of burning alcohol and scorched flesh and hair made the two quite unwell.

Fortunately Shinobu was on the scene with a fire extinguisher with which she promptly put out the scorching inferno which was Kitsune's hair… or what was left of it.

* * *

Keitaro carefully applied the salve to Kitsune's burned scalp. The young woman whimpered slightly in pain as Keitaro's hands carefully stroked her head. The salve was soon beginning to soothe the pain. The young manager then began to carefully cover her head with bandages.

Kitsune was shocked over the deep kindness and concern radiating from the inn's manager as he cared for her. She thought that he only reserved this side of him to Naru only. True he had shown a very altruistic and friendly side towards them all, but somehow when he usually was with Naru, he would show a very deep concern and kindness which bordered on almost neurotic.

Keitaro felt guilt.

True Mitsune had deserved some payback, but this prank had gone too far. All he could do now was to make amends by caring for her and nursing her back to health.

"I think you need to lay off the alcohol until you're finally well, Kitsune," Keitaro told her strictly.

Kitsune groaned.

_End Song: Lean On Me, sung by Joe Cocker_

* * *

The next chapter is titled: Never Mess With The Male Nurse or Why Glue Can Be Useful.

_Motoko furiously tries to remove her sword which is glued to her right hand by the handle while being cornered by policemen with semi-automatic pistols on the streets of Hinata._

_"FREEEEEEEEZE! PUT DOWN YOUR SWORD!"_

_Meanwhile Shinobu Maehara helps Father Isaac with exorcizing Kaolla Su (** the Exorcist** Style)._

_"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" She screams and whacks the possessed Kaolla Su in the head with a blessed frying pan…. Again and again…._

* * *

_Fic writer's notes: Yet another revision of a chapter._


	3. Never Mess With The Male Nurse

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. I don't own Miroku and Sango from Inu-Yasha for that matter either.

* * *

Chris Oddland presents: No More Mr. Nice Guy

or** Keitaro Urashima's diabolical revenge**

* * *

Chapter 3: Never Mess With The Male Nurse or Why Glue Can Be useful

* * *

It was a terrible day for Kitsune.

Keitaro had found most of her liquor, confiscated them, and emptied them down the kitchen sink. She knew that Keitaro meant well, insisting that she had to lay off the alcohol until she recovered from the burns on her bandaged head. She also felt horrible now that her hair had been burned off too, feeling that she looked uglier now. Luckily Keitaro hadn't found the only alcoholic beverage she had managed to hide away from the manager under the pillows in the couch in the living room.

Since she was now resting on the mentioned couch with a comfortable blanket covering her up to her arms while Keitaro tried to help out as much as he could, she deemed it a nice opportunity to pour some liquor down her throat. While the young manager looked away she stuck her right hand down between two pillows and fished out a small bottle of whiskey. As she unscrewed the cork and tried to chug it down, Keitaro appeared on the scene and snatched it out of her hand.

"No alcohol until you're better, Kitsune," Keitaro mildly scolded her as he went to the kitchen and emptied the whiskey as well. "I'll fetch some ice tea for you instead."

Mitsune Konno groaned. This morning was not turning out so well…

* * *

There are some of you who believe that Naru Narusegawa hates Keitaro with a passion that borders on almost unholy.

That is in fact wrong.

Naru loved Keitaro.

In fact she loved him so much that she had to beat the _BLEEP_ out of him every day just to show it.

Isn't love grand?

Naru was in her room studying but at the same time trying to blow off some steam since that pervert Keitaro was probably having his way with Kitsune in the living room now. As her brain began to form these images, she quickly rushed down to the living room to save her best friend from the "perverted" clutches of Keitaro Urashima, leaving her books and notes on her table.

_What a trustful and healthy relationship._

* * *

The resident kendo master Motoko "The Man-Hater" Aoyama was currently outside practicing her inhuman kendo skills.

"**Hiken Zankusen!**"

A boulder exploded as Motoko's blast hit it head on, showering the scenery with shrapnel of rock. Motoko gracefully cut down most of the pieces of rock coming in her direction with lightning fast strokes.

The blast was stronger than her usual ones since she was imagining that the poor boulder was poor, poor Keitaro and unleashed all her rage on it.

(That pervert! How dare he try to seduce Kitsune while she is injured! I must teach that lecherous male the righteous wrath of the honourable Aoyama Motoko!)

Thinking this she quickly ran to the living room while holding her razor-sharp blade.

Normally if Keitaro wasn't in fact invulnerable, I would have said that "It's the curtains for him.", but since Keitaro due to the inventiveness (or necessity) of his creator Ken Akamatsu was somehow able to withstand such inhuman punishment - we know that he won't end up splattered all over the living room.

She was however unaware that a very dark cloud of evil was gathering over the Hinata Inn. An evil so despicable that the world would fall into chaos should it ever be unleashed. Somehow a few plants began to wither and blacken as they died.

* * *

"Keitaro," Kitsune asked, "do I look ugly to you?" She had just finished her glass of green tea with lime flavoured ice tea with four ice cubes in it and was now staring at Keitaro who sat beside her in a chair taken from its place close to the dinner table.

The young manager was sincere as he said: "You still look beautiful to me, Kitsune, even if you're hair's burned off, your head suffering from burns and bandaged and covered with salves."

Mitsune Konno was taken aback by this answer from the gullible but kind dolt in front of her. (That was sweet of him.) she thought and gave him one of her patented blushing smiles as a response. (Sure. He isn't as good-looking or as smart as Seta; stupid; gullible; kind and very unselfish in many ways; very normal-looking compared to other guys I've dated and has a very mediocre income. But there's something about him that makes him special. But why is he wearing that Iron Maiden t-shirt?)

"I didn't know you liked to listen to Iron Maiden?"

"You never asked." Keitaro shrugged as he continued to read "The Cask of Amontillado" by Edgar Allan Poe and was fantasizing about entombing Naru and Motoko alive somewhere while laughingly using a trowel to wall up walls in front of them as they screamed and struggled with the chains which held them in place The macabre fantasy was then replaced with a romantic image of him and Naru getting married on a beautiful summer day. The various love-hate images didn't disturb him as much as before since he had gotten used to them.

His body then received some strange urges. It wasn't the urge to suddenly embrace Mitsune and make out with her and declare his undying love for her while slowly undressing her. In fact it was something more personal.

"I have to go to the toilet," he excused himself and went in the direction of the closest toilet.

Kitsune didn't have to wait long for something to happen.

"Keitaro!"

"Urashima!"

"Keitaro is in the toilet," Kitsune informed the two younger tenants in an informative tone, stopping them from uttering sentences concerning lecherous behaviour that had to be stopped whatever the cost.

They heard the sound of a toilet being flushed and a few minutes later, Keitaro came strolling into the living room and found the two there as well.

"Hello, Narusegawa, Motoko-chan," he greeted them cheerfully, knowing that he somehow by luck had managed to avoid another "misunderstanding".

* * *

Something was wrong with Su.

But then again, something was always wrong with Su.

This time however she was floating in the air over her futon. Her sheet and pillow however was also floating as well. And this was while she was sleeping.

In her sleep she began to stir.

Somehow the room shook.

And this resulted in that the entire inn began to shake.

* * *

Everyone was startled as the entire Hinata-sou began to shake like an enormous mix-master set on overdrive.

"What's happening?" Naru shouted while she and Motoko tried to keep their balance.

"How should I know? I only work here!" Keitaro responded while holding on to the table.

"Maybe it's an earthquake," Motoko said.

"Guys? A little help here would be appreciated." Kitsune said while trying to hang on to the couch.

It was at that time that the shaking caused Kitsune to almost fall off the couch, hadn't it been for Keitaro reacting quickly, turning around, catching her before she fell.

Too bad his right hand landed on her chest as he helped her back on the couch and the shakings suddenly stopped.

(Uh-oh!)

"URASHIMA!"

"KEITARO!"

"Help…" was all Keitaro managed to squeak out.

* * *

A restaurant had become popular for one of its most famous attractions. Almost every day a man would for mysterious reasons be launched through the air like a cannonball. Soaring over the restaurant in a spectacular manner, entertaining the customers in a humorous way.

It was too bad that for a few days the man stopped flying over the restaurant, robbing it of one of its popular attractions (The other one was the chaste tentacle demon waiter who thought he was stalked by rabid nymphomaniacs all the time and lived in constant paranoia).

Too bad for the owner that a rival restaurant owner had conned him into making a bet. That bet involved that if the "human cannonball" did in fact fly over the restaurant today, the owner would receive a big sum of money. If he lost he had to sell the restaurant to his rival.

(Please! I pray to whatever deity's listening to please save my restaurant!) The owner silently prayed. The bet had just begun and his rival was grinning evilly, hoping for an easy victory. Even the customers were waiting in anticipation.

"WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEE!" a young voice cried out as he was launched in the air, passing over the restaurant like a rocket and crashing into the tiny glue factory in Hinata with a huge crashing boom.

The customers cheered. A few even managing to snap a few pictures with their cameras or filming it with video cameras as the young man flew.

(Someone up there really loves me!) the owner thought in relief.

The rival was stomping on his hat in pure rage and frustration.

* * *

"Luckily this time you didn't fall into the vat of hot glue, eh, Keitaro?" a man said as he peeled Keitaro from the wall, leaving large cracks imprinted on it. "Luckily the insurance covers it all up or we would probably have sued you for damaging property."

"Very funny, Masahiro." Keitaro replied sarcastically. "How many times have I crashed here again?"

"Well," Masahiro said, "with this one I'll reckon up to fifty-four times."

Keitaro groaned.

"And look! Your Iron Maiden t-shirt is ruined!"

(**There will be hell to pay!**) was the thought bellowing through his skull giving through echoes of rage that almost knew no bounds.

They could launch him into the air like a satellite.

Call him a pervert.

Use him as a guinea pig.

But no one messed with his favourite t-shirt given to him by his own grandfather before he died after that incident where he was killed after being shot out a cannon without a helmet. His last words to Keitaro's grandmother: "Are you **very** sure this thing is safe, dear?" Now that he thought about it didn't the old hag haul in a lot of cash from grandpa's life insurance? Keitaro began to wonder if he was somehow becoming more cynical with time as he thought about it. Now that he thought about it, his experiences in the Hinata-sou had made him partly cynical.

He wanted revenge…

* * *

"Hey, Keitaro!" Shirai greeted him along with Haitani. "What'cha doing?"

"Walking home…again."

"You want to come with us to the cinema?" Haitani asked him in a friendly manner.

Keitaro blinked. "Why?"

"They're showing one of the weirdest movies ever made and it's titled: A Chaste Tentacle Demon and Succubus and Incubus In Nymphomaniac Hell."

"That sounds interesting," said Keitaro.

"So," Haitani said, "do you want to come with us?"

"Um…Okay," said Keitaro while shrugging in defeat. He might as well try to enjoy this day before he paid the girls back for destroying his favourite shirt.

* * *

Several hours later a content Keitaro Urashima arrived at the Hinata-sou after one of the most amusing experiences in his life.

"That was sure one of the most sickest low-budget horror comedies I've ever watched," he said to himself, "but now back to 'work'." He patted the tube of super-strong glue in his pocket.

* * *

Motoko Aoyama usually carried her sword with her wherever she went. The hot springs, school, everywhere. It made his plan very hard. But there were occasions were she left the sword in her room, and even if her sword wasn't there he could always tamper with other things in her room.

He slid open the door to Motoko's room and found her sword hanging on the ceremonial rack in her room.

(Stroke of luck indeed!) Keitaro grinned as he took out the glue. Now he just had to get even with Narusegawa.

* * *

Motoko went to her room, shinai in hand. She had just decimated a few training dummies with it without any effort at all. Opening the door and stepping in, she went right away to her sword and strapped it to her side without gripping the handle. Skilled as she was she always felt naked without her trusty blade which she used to smite evil in her way. Note that evil for Motoko meant clumsy/perverted males, stupid males, cowardly males, dishonourable males and such.

* * *

(That's strange.) Naru thought as she entered her room after having a relaxing bath in the hot springs. (Why is Liddo-kun stuck upside-down on the ceiling?)

Reaching upwards and gripping it with both her hands trying to pull it down….

* * *

Keitaro chuckled evilly as he sat down on one of the chairs in the kitchen.

"What's so funny, Sempai?" Shinobu asked Keitaro innocently. She had earlier seen that Keitaro had a content look in his eyes as he entered the kitchen and asked her if he could help her cut the vegetables.

A scream came from Naru's room.

"That." Keitaro said.

"Oh." Was all she replied.

"How's Kitsune, by the way?" Keitaro asked, switching topics.

"She's all right, Urashima-sempai. If you hadn't caught her when she fell, she could have been hurt."

"Where is she now?" he asked with concern for his patient, still feeling guilt for the incident where she set her own hair on fire.

"She said she wanted to go out and get something to drink. She also asked Motoko if she would accompany her and she did."

"That Kitsune," grumbled Keitaro in an irritated manner, "And I thought I told her that she should cut down with the drinking until she was better."

"She's Kitsune," Shinobu simply shrugged.

"What's that noise?" Keitaro suddenly said as a rather unusual snarl was heard.

"I really don't know?" Shinobu answered.

"Maybe Su's turned Naru into a werewolf." He said jokingly.

"It didn't sound like a snarl from a wolf."

"Maybe she altered Tama-chan's genes and turned it into a monster."

"It could be another Mecha-Tama," Shinobu suggested.

"Could be," he admitted, "but it doesn't sound like the Mecha-Tamas I've 'encountered' before."

Since both were curious about what was going on they went into the living room.

What they saw was Kaolla Su crawling down the stairs…. upside-down. She looked at them as she stopped in front of the last step and gave them a demon-like snarl as she opened her mouth and exposed a cleaved tongue at them.

"?" Was all Keitaro said.

Somehow the bronze-skinned girl looked a lot paler than usual, her skin having a mixture of green, grey colour. Maybe she had an accident with all the uranium and plutonium or the gene-splicer she kept in her room and was slowly mutating into a monster.

"What is she doing?" Keitaro asked.

"Something strange as usual," Shinobu shrugged. She had become slightly accustomed to Kaolla's erratic nature.

"You're probably right." Keitaro said. "She always does something weird."

"I didn't know she had such flexible limbs though? It's hard to crawl down the stairs the way she's doing it. And what's happened to her tongue?"

"And why is she so pale?" added Keitaro.

"Myuh!" Tama-chan chirped as it flew by Su down the stairs and nestling on top of Keitaro's head. "Myuh!" It began happily to snuggle upon the head of its owner.

Strangely enough Kaolla Su didn't try to catch and eat Tama as the tiny baby turtle flew by her, ignoring it while continuing to stare darkly at them.

"Something is wrong…." Keitaro said while looking concerned.

"…..Very Wrong…." Continued Shinobu.

Why didn't she try to catch and eat Tama-chan?

* * *

_In a rented apartment:_

"I sense a disturbance in the Force." Father Isaac said.

"You always sense a disturbance in 'the Force', Isaac." Commented the Buddhist monk known as Miroku jokingly.

"Let's just concentrate on the game," said Rabbi Jacob.

The three were currently playing Cults Across America.

"Aha. I use the Cosmic Ray Gun to reduce your Shambling Horror into disoriented atomic matter." Miroku chuckled as he destroyed Isaac's monster.

"Oh yeah?" Jacob responded when it was his turn. "I wonder what happens when your nuclear power plant suffers a nuclear meltdown."

"Noooooo!" Miroku responded laughingly in a mock melodramatic manner.

"Thanks, Jacob. I think I'll thank you by stealing your Miskatonic University Marching Band."

"You backstabbing fiend!"

"I know." Isaac chuckled.

"But I still got the Pope." Miroku added. "And killed one of your high priests and one of Jacobs and stole a holy relic from both of you."

"But I've managed to summon Cthulhu," Jacob said. "And I've got most cultists of all of us."

"Now that I think about I also felt something strange." Miroku answered, interrupting the game.

"Me too." Admitted Jacob.

"Do you guys think it's a demon on the prowl in Hinata?"

"It could be," Jacob admitted.

"Just great!" muttered Miroku sourly. "Here we all are without being watched by our so-called superiors, playing a game peacefully together; and now this happens."

"We know how you feel." Isaac said.

"Jacob, you're the walking occultist encyclopedia here. Do you know what's happening?" Miroku asked Rabbi Jacob.

"Either a pack of ghouls having all-you-can-eat buffet in a graveyard, or we're talking about a typical possession situation."

"Just like in the Exorcist?"

"Exactly."

"Not our problem," Father Isaac shrugged. "The Shinto priests and the Buddhists here told us to stay off any occultism taking place in town."

"I just think that you're sick of exorcizing every person you come across." Miroku commented dryly. "I can understand how you feel when every time you first say that sentence, they throw up on you."

"Thanks for reminding me." Muttered Father Isaac angrily. "Do you know how difficult it is to get rid of the stench every time I have to wash my robes?"

"Hard?" Rabbi Jacob answered.

"Yes."

And they continued playing the game as dark clouds appeared over the sky.

"Hahahaha! No one can stop me now!" Miroku laughed out jokingly while pretending to sound like a villain from old spy movies.

"Oh, yeah? We'll see about that." Rabbi Jacob and Father Isaac said at the same time.

* * *

Kitsune was happy despite poor Keitaro getting whacked into orbit again. Now she could go out and get something proper to drink - like sake. Lots of it.

Accompanied by Motoko she strolled down the streets.

Motoko kept a sharp lookout for perverts in need of some serious smiting. Her hand almost touching the handle of her trusty blade in a grip.

"Look! It's the feudal age bitch!" said a guy in a group sourly and openly said as they walked by.

Motoko ignored them.

He didn't ignore them. That was because Motoko had hospitalized a relative of his in a kendo championship, causing several fractures. It wasn't that he liked that relative since he had an issue with people romanticizing the old days and samurai in particular.

"Go stick a shinai up your _BLEEP! _You frickin' psycho!" He shouted throwing various insults at her, knowing that he could run very fast if she attacked. "I bet you _BLEEP_ yourself every time you read some Bushido trash!"

Motoko tried to keep her cool, but as usual she failed completely. Gripping her sword she began to rush towards the young man insulting her while the sword remained in the sheath.

"Eep!" he exclaimed, turned, and finally ran as if the Devil himself was after him.

"HEEEEELP! POLICE!" he screamed as he ran by several people, followed by an enraged kendoist.

While some people tend to ignore happenings like a defenceless man being attacked by a attractive woman wielding a razor-sharp sword on the streets, a few rushed to the closest telephones and alerting the police of the presence of a crazy psycho-slasher in Hinata.

Kitsune ignored Motoko as she went through the doors of her favourite pub. After some heavy drinking, she discovered that her wallet was empty and that she had a very large bill that had to be paid and that there was no Keitaro around to help her out….

And it was a very large tab.

* * *

_Sightings of a woman running around with a sword in Hinata trying to assault a young man…. _The police radio informed various patrol cars which were now racing towards the area where the assailant was sighted.

"I hate martial artists!" muttered an officer to his partner while driving the car. "Always thinking they can do whatever they want and get away with it!"

"What makes you think it's a martial artist?" his partner asked. "It could just be a normal broad who's gone psycho."

"A 'broad' who is dressed like a reject from Rurouni Kenshin." He informed his partner.

"How many of us are they sending?" the partner asked in a worried tone.

"A lot." He answered simply.

* * *

He was getting tired. Wheezing for breath he stopped by a corner while looking behind his back. He had lost her a couple of blocks ago, but he knew that she was still after him.

(Me and my big mouth….)

Just because he had a score to settle with the female clone of Tatewaki Kuno, and insulted her as offensively as he could, he was certain that as soon as she caught up with him - he would end up in a black bodybag after the ambulance had scraped up his remains that were spread around the street and probably after retching horribly at the sight.

Invulnerability would have been nice now.

After getting his breath back he began to run anew. A roar coming a few blocks away made him aware that she was hot on his trail.

Despite resting his feet were sore from the many steps he took. Each time his feet connected hard with the concrete ground, he felt a slight bit of pain despite having good shoes.

Another warcry made him aware that she was gaining on him. Stopping for a few seconds and looking back, he saw her rushing at him.

He turned and ran as the sound of sirens was heard approaching.

He gave everything he had as he gave one last spurt of energy and ran, the adrenaline making him ignore the tiredness and the pain shooting through his feet. He kept the pace up for a few seconds before he collapsed on the ground out of sheer exhaustion. Lifting his head he saw that the kendo girl came running at him with her sword held high above her head triumphantly in a slashing motion.

(Oh, well… At least I've enjoyed something in life. I wonder what the afterlife's like?)

Suddenly the sirens bellowed out in full strength as several patrol cars screeched in front of him and armed police officers exited them.

"FREEEEZE!" One of them shouted while training a semi-automatic pistol on the woman with the sword. "PUT DOWN YOUR SWORD OR WE WILL BE **FORCED** TO OPEN FIRE!"

Motoko stopped in her stride as the policemen came between her and the man who had so grievously insulted her earlier.

She noted that they were pointing handguns at her.

As she reluctantly sheathed her sword, knowing that even she would find it very uncomforting if she was shot with leaden projectiles that were launched through the law of physics and gunpowder at her.

Oddly for some reason she was now unable to remove her right hand from the handle of her sword as if it was stuck……

* * *

"This reminds me of the Exorcist." Keitaro said as he hid behind the couch. He had jumped behind the couch when several things in the living room began to hover in the air and move around as blind birds in heat.

"You mean that classical horror movie, Sempai?" Shinobu asked as she hid beside him.

"I do hope she doesn't get the idea to wet herself on the new rug aunt Haruka got from Seta or the floor." Keitaro muttered. He knew how much time it took to clean a dirty and smelly floor and rug. Both took a small peek from the behind the couch.

"**NO!** BAD SU!" was the scream being heard several streets from the inn as the pale-skinned and green-skinned Kaolla Su grinned a sinister grin and stood on Haruka Urashima's carpet.

* * *

"Is she dead?" a policeman said.

"Don't think so," muttered another, "I only shot her in the right shoulder."

"She's still clutching that sword."

"Want me to put a bullet through her knee?" the policeman said while holding his smoking semi-automatic while blowing away the smoke as if in a bad action movie and failing to impress his fellow policemen.

"By all means," another answered. "I don't think the press can use this as another example of police brutality and turn the public more against us than they were before."

"That's double standards in everyday life," mumbled a bitter policeman. "When a martial artist smacks the living daylights out of other people (despite some of them not being martial artists) for no apparent reason people don't lift an eyelid, but when a cop smacks someone around they howl out for blood."

"Ungrateful bastards." Another one agreed. "So a lot of us are corrupt, but the again so are most of the other people working in other jobs too."

"She's still alive." Another one informed.

"Then send some guys to club her down with nightsticks and cuff her."

"Do it yourself!" he exclaimed. "I'm not going anywhere near that psycho! I've seen what she can do!"

"Thanks for saving me, guys." The grateful young man thanked the policemen. "I really thought I was a goner back there. Now all you have to do is to arrest that gaijin and the other psycho and Hinata will be safer for quite a while."

"Y'know," another policeman admitted, "I've been itching for an opportunity to deport her after she wrecked my patrol car with one of her mechanical monstrosities. Personally I don't have any prejudice against any race whatsoever, but I think I'm developing something bordering on pathological racism against that girl and her people and having an urge to nuke that nation into a smoking crater on the world map."

"I'm not prejudiced, I hate everybody." Another policeman grunted in response.

Motoko managed to raise herself up… and was seconds later shot in the knee and clubbed into submission by the policemen and cuffed (after having removed the sword with very hot water when she was unconscious).

* * *

"I hate my life." Father Isaac complained as he strolled through the dark streets in his black leather trench coat while carrying a large suitcase.

"So do we," answered Rabbi Jacob, "so do we."

"And I was so close to winning." Mumbled a defeated Miroku.

All of them were wearing black trench coats and Isaac and Jacob also wore their holy robes under them and carried suitcases filled with things necessary to dispatch the legions of darkness, while Miroku still wore everyday monk's robe and carried a holy staff.

"Did you say that this evil was coming from that old inn, Jacob?" asked Miroku.

"The strong presence and odour of immense evil did come from there, yes." Jacob replied.

"The safest thing would be to burn the place to the ground." Said Isaac.

"What is it with you and your obsession to burn places to the ground?" asked Miroku crossly. "We're supposed to protect people and save them, not playing pyromaniacs abroad."

"It did flush out that demon from the possessed shrine in another prefecture, didn't it?" Father Isaac answered.

"But in the process you burned a former holy place to the ground and made the shrine priest froth in rage and try to rip your head off." Informed Rabbi Jacob.

"I've burned down a few possessed churches and monasteries before." Countered Father Isaac by showing that he was in fact willing to burn down defiled holy places, regardless of which religion it belonged to, to destroy evil and that he wasn't that prejudiced.

"You could try to lure them out with those adult magazines you keep and usually smuggle into places of people you don't like." Was the advice coming from Miroku.

"It doesn't work all the time." Isaac glumly replied. "But I've managed to lure out succubi and incubi with that little trick. And not to mention that time I had to help Sango catch you where it worked better than I ever expected."

Miroku winced a bit remembering what Sango did to him after getting him out of the net he had been stuck in.

"AUNT HARUKA!" They heard someone scream… followed by a loud smack.

It made them wince.

* * *

"What have I told you about calling me that?" Haruka Urashima simply said to her nephew as he nursed his throbbing left cheek.

(One day I'm gonna stuff that fan down her goddamn throat!) Keitaro raged inside. He suddenly had those funny urges he used to have, mostly involving him pushing his dear aunt down the stairs.

He and Shinobu had run down to the tea shop to get help (or to call the nearest asylum and tell them to pick up Su) from Haruka.

"Su's gone crazy, au - , I mean Haruka." Keitaro managed to stammer out. He sighed in relief that he had managed to avoid saying the word his aunt regarded as "taboo" when it came to her.

"Is that new?" was her straight answer, looking at him as if he came with a tasteless joke.

"I believe your friend has become the victim of demonic possession." A voice familiar to Keitaro said, interrupting what Keitaro was about to say to his aunt about showing a gun up her _BLEEP_ and pulling the trigger.

"Father Isaac!" Keitaro exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Well…. Me and my friends were playing an amusing game when suddenly blood spurted out from the wall and drenched the board game in blood, and then a man was chased by a man-eating block of tofu followed by a pack of flesh-eating rice and cannibalistic jumping beans when we looked through the window after hearing someone scream. And the skies became dark and sinister. So we went to the place were we all sensed the evil was coming from to make them pay for ruining our game."

"Hey! I remember you!" Miroku said angrily as he pointed at Haruka in a menacing manner. "You were with that maniac who crashed through that Buddhist temple I was working in! And then you both took off without paying for the damage!"

"Haruka! I'm shocked!" Keitaro suddenly said. "You defiled a holy place in another country."

Hey! I remember her too! She was also with that guy when he crashed that van of his through a synagogue in France!" Rabbi Jacob shouted.

"Is that all?" muttered Father Isaac. "That guy once literally 'drove' through the Vatican and the Sistine Chapel and St. Peter's Basilica when he chased someone who had stolen a priceless relic. Luckily the tire tracks could be washed away, but the damage was immense when he crashed through the catacombs."

"How come his drivers licence hasn't been revoked with all those things he's done?" Keitaro asked.

"Who knows?" was Rabbi Jacob's straight-forward answer.

"Shouldn't we concentrate on vanquishing the evil inside the inn?" Miroku inquired. "And put down that torch, Isaac, you're not going to burn the building to the ground." Miroku gripped his holy staff and waved it threatingly towards the priest.

"But I want to!" Father Isaac whimpered as he waved the lit torch.

"And remove that stick of dynamite under your holy robe!" Rabbi Jacob added.

* * *

"It appears that she is in fact very possessed." Father Isaac concluded as he peered slightly through the door of Kaolla Su's room.

The pseudo-jungle inside her room somehow appeared more darker, crueller and sinister than before. And all of them swore they heard something moving in the bushes and heard strange noises and rustling.

The strangest thing was that a large bed lay in an open clearing in front of said jungle…. and in it lay Kaolla Su.

Her skin had become paler and was covered with cuts and scabs and scars. The slight green tinge on her pale skin had also become more visible.

"I suddenly have a flashback from that horror movie I saw recently." Said Keitaro as he peered through the door, feeling a sense of deja vu. "Didn't that demon talk like it was a man when it inhabited that young girl's body?"

"Then it's time for some good old-fashioned exorcism." Father Isaac concluded.

"Good luck," Miroku said.

"You'll need it." Rabbi Jacob added.

"Get me down from here!" a young woman cried out from another room in furious anger.

* * *

"Hmph!" the demon huffed in a discontent manner. "Here I was hoping for a sexy Shinto priestess with large breasts in tight-fitting robes wielding ultrasharp katana and all I get is a Catholic Priest who thinks he's a natural born comedian and a little underdeveloped and vertically challenged girl with a crush on the world's biggest loser and a tendency to freak out for no reason at all." It was strange that such a voice came from Kaolla Su. It was as if someone had replaced her voice with a male one.

"I have faith in you, Shinobu-chan!" Keitaro cheered through the door. "Just keep him preoccupied while Rabbi Jacob, me and Miroku prepare the bait."

In the background was the sound of muffled screaming and struggling and loud banging noises.

"I got her leg!"

"Grab an arm! Quick!"

"Ow! She bit me!"

"Just keep your hand there while I get the duct tape!"

"My spleen!"

"My head!"

The sound of a holy staff hitting someone in the head was then heard.

"Got her!" All of them triumphantly cried out.

"The demon ignored the sounds and said arrogantly: "Know that I have the power to snuff you out like candles, mortal fools. And your faith and god is weak compared to me."

"Somehow I had the feeling you were going to say that." Father Isaac responded while wishing that he never had taken that exorcism course a few years ago.

Suddenly Keitaro and the others came through the door while at the same time carrying a struggling, tied and gagged Haruka Urashima and nonchalantly threw her on top of the bed.

"It seems that I got a pretty _BLEEP_ after all!" the demon inhabiting Su's body said as it devoted all its attention on the bound woman lying on its lap.

"Now!" Father Isaac suddenly shouted - and Shinobu lunged at her, aiming for the head.

**CLANG**

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" Shinobu cried out as she raised the blessed frying pan given to her by Father Isaac again.

**CLANG**

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"

And again…..

**CLANG**

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"

"It seems that it was wise of Father Isaac to choose Shinobu-chan to wield that frying pan that Father Isaac blessed with holy water." Keitaro concluded as he saw the young girl relentlessly smack her friend repeatedly in the head with a frying pan.

"I agree to that." Rabbi Jacob agreed.

"Me too." Said Miroku.

"And now for the coup de grace!" Father Isaac cried out as he also made a lunge with a book raised over his head.

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" He boomed.

**CLAAAAAANG**

"Is that hardback cover of the Bible made of steel?" Keitaro asked.

"Yup," Miroku answered. " Rabbi Jacob also has a steel hardback versions of his holy book to use in dire emergencies while I got my trusty new holy staff made of solid steel.

"Could you help me out?" Isaac asked his friends.

"Sure." Both of them said as they walked over to Kaolla Su and hit her in the head as well.

**CLLLLAAAAAANNNNGGGG**

Kaolla Su let out a demonic cry as a green and dark aura appeared which was promptly ripped out of her by an invisible hand and sent crashing through the sky like a flashing green comet.

A battered, normal-looking Kaolla Su slumped unconsciously to the ground.

"Mission accomplished." Keitaro sighed in satisfaction.

* * *

A few days had passed.

Kaolla Su was bed-ridden and very bandaged and bruised and the doctor had said that it would take weeks before she was back to her old self again.

Keitaro had managed to get Naru down from the ceiling and Liddo-kun as well (after removing the glue with **hot **water). Keitaro simply lied and said that Su had done it under the influence of the demon and was saved from a proper trashing.

Kitsune had to spend a few days in jail for not paying the tab. And Keitaro refused to bail her out with his money.

And Motoko was arrested for attempted murder and resisting arrest.

For some reason Seta had been arrested too and Sarah was temporarily put in an orphanage and daily dosed with drugs to keep her out of mischief and placed in the orphanage's newly constructed padded cell with a straitjacket on. Keitaro wondered if aunt Haruka could scrape together enough money to bail him out.

Keitaro shrugged and continued reading the newest Playboy magazine.

* * *

_On an unknown island…._

Hiroshi was cursing and raving and gnawing on the nearest coconut tree in utter rage. The poor palm tree was covered with teeth marks. And on the sand lay a black, book with leather hardcover and contained various unholy rituals.

He had sold his soul to the Devil in an attempt to have his revenge against the Molmolian princess and her subjects.

He managed to calm himself.

(Oh well… I just have to cast that ritual which makes that brat's entire nation suffer a series of demonic possessions.) he thought and proceeded to chant an ancient ritual of utter evilness.

* * *

The next chapter is titled: Murder On The Dance Floor

_Keitaro is shanghaied into becoming Shinobu's date on the school dance._

_(How the heck did I get suckered into this?)_

_Keitaro is later seen waltzing with Mutsumi on the dance floor, while Shinobu deliberately spikes the punch bowl in order to get even with some fellow students in her class._

_Meanwhile Naru has her hands full with the hired bouncer._

_Naru is seen being thrown out of the school._

_"OW!"_

* * *

Yes, I know the next title was inspired by that song by Sophie Ellis Bextor and the music video.

This chapter is probably filled with grammatical errors and mucked up sentences (I'm not perfect).

The "I sense a disturbance….." gag was ripped off from the PC game: Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy

I decided to re-edit my fic a bit, adding Miroku while removing another character in favour of one of Rumiko Takahashi's most amusing characters.


	4. Murder on the Dancefloor

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina. And I definitely don't own the song Do You Remember? By Phil Collins or Nothing Else Matters by Metallica. And I definitely don't own the small excerpt from the Iron Maiden song Dance of Death.

* * *

Chris Oddland presents: No More Mr. Nice Guy

or **Keitaro Urashima's diabolical revenge**

* * *

Chapter 4: Murder On The Dancefloor

* * *

Keitaro hummed the Simpsons theme song as he placed his bank card into the slot of the cash dispenser outside one of the banks in Hinata. He frowned as he found out that he had placed the card the wrong way and turned the card in the right direction as he pulled it out again and placed it anew into the slot. The card was then received by the machine as it disappeared into the slot. He then punched in his personal security code and later the screen showed the amount of money he could take out of his account. He then typed in the amount he wanted. Seconds later the card came out, and after that he received the bills and the receipt from their respective slots from the dispenser.

* * *

A bandaged Kaolla Su tried to reach out for the banana that hovered over her; unfortunately the banana then rose into the air.

"Myuh!" Tama chirped as she pulled the cord in her mouth and raised the banana tied to the strong silk cord and supported by the pulley on the ceiling.

After the "treatment" from her friend Shinobu Maehara, she was confined to her futon since the bed that lay in her room when she was possessed mysteriously disappeared. Her head was covered in bandages, and the bruises courtesy of Shinobu's frying pan still hadn't gone away. She moaned as she felt that an elephant was dancing quickstep in a glass store inside her skull… and it hurt a lot.

"Here's some more painkillers, Su," Shinobu offered her friend, holding a glass of water in one hand and a small pillbox.

Kaolla smiled. She could always rely on her friends when times were hard. And even Keitaro had been extra nice to her and bought her a few bundles of bananas.

She tried to grab the banana anew as it was lowered, but Tama raised it up again before her hand even touched it.

"Myuh!"

Unfortunately Tama took advantage of Su's condition to get a little payback. And Tama really thought it was quite fun.

"Myuh! Myuh! Myuuh!" she chirped happily.

(Must… eat…banana…. Must….also….remember….recipe…for…turtle….soup….) Su's mind screamed frantically.

* * *

Keitaro exited through the door of the shop selling various CDs and LP records with a few CDs in a small plastic bag. He looked content as he gazed at the contents in the bag.

"Let's see - Meat Loaf: Bat Out Of Hell II; Alice Cooper: Welcome To My Nightmare; Meat Loaf: Bad Attitude; Meat Loaf: Bat Out Of Hell; Meat Loaf: Dead Ringer; Iron Maiden: Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son."

"Who are you talking to?" a familiar voice said out of the blue.

Keitaro was a little startled but managed to look up and to the right, in the direction of said voice. A smiling Kimiaki Shirai waved one of his arms as a sign of friendly greeting.

"Talking to yourself?" Shirai asked him.

"Don't you?" was Keitaro's replying question.

"Sometimes," Shirai simply shrugged.

Keitaro looked around, feeling that something was different. "Where's Haitani? Isn't he usually with you?" he asked Shirai.

"Huh?" Shirai replied, seemingly surprised and looked behind him and realized that his buddy Masayuki Haitani was in fact not beside him. "I could swear that he was behind me a few seconds ago."

The two received an answer to both their respective questions as the heard a voice belonging to one of the opposite gender cry out in outrage followed by a stinging slap which could be clearly heard.

Haitani came out of a store selling expensive fashion clothes nursing his left cheek. Both Shirai and Keitaro noticed that there was an imprint of a hand on that cheek.

"It wasn't as if I groped you, you _BLEEPING_ witch," Haitani muttered. "I just asked if you wanted to go out with me on a nice romantic dinner in a fancy restaurant." He added in a defeated tone while looking down.

"Still can't think with anything but your libido?"

"Shut up, Keitaro!" Haitani retorted mildly in a quiet tone.

Keitaro noted that his usually skirt-chasing friend was looking nothing at all like his old self. True he still did wear his usual threads, but he didn't act like the Haitani he knew so well.

"He been acting that way ever since Motoko sent him into that bookstore and being buried in a pile of romantic novels;" Shirai explained. "He's still the same perverted Haitani we both know, but now he's trying for a more romantic approach when it comes to girls."

"Hatani? 'Romantic?' Approach?" Keitaro was utterly confused. How the heck could he have overlooked that? But the answer was probably that he had gotten used to Haitani hitting on girls that he mostly ignored his friend when he started hitting on various women.

"Unfortunately the girls that he's asking out are girls he's formerly harassed, trying to make up for being such a pest. I think the girls do not believe that he's sincere about making amends for his past behaviour."

"It seems that way," Keitaro commented dryly. "Hell will most likely freeze over before any girl ever believes that guy."

Shirai then grabbed Hatani's arm: "Let's go. We have to find a way to cure you of this problem." He said and dragged him off.

"But I don't want to, Shirai. I feel a lot better acting like a romantic fool." Haitani whined in protest.

"I know just the thing to cure you of this vile sickness: The **hardcore XXX** porn movie: A Chaste Young Man versus the Bordello of Horny Catgirls. Where a chaste young man with no intention of having sex with women with feline features finds himself trapped in a tremendous maze-like brothel filled with beautiful nymphomaniac catgirls in heat."

"I liked the part where the main character used several balls of twine to distract some of the catgirls and escape through the window and falling into the swimming pool with his pants down; and the part where he managed to finally outwit them in the end by giving them his two 'friends' instead as substitutes." Keitaro commented while fantasizing making out with Naru who was dressed as a catgirl and he was ripping her clothes off while passionately kissing her intensely and aggressively while Naru purred in satisfaction as he kissed her neck and began to claw his back as response to it. Shirai tried to suppress his disgust as Keitaro began to have a blank, dreamy look, while also drooling like a bucket full of holes. A lot of other people strolling through the streets were also disgusted by it.

Shirai ignored the daydreaming Keitaro and continued dragging Haitani by his legs."

"NOOOOO!" Haitani cried out as he tried to claw himself in place to the asphalt. He wasn't very successful.

Keitaro suddenly realized that he looked like a complete moron standing alone and drooling in a dreamy daze of fantasy. He headed in the direction of the Hinata-sou, laughing sheepishly of his own stupidity while scratching the back of his head.

* * *

"You are aware that it's illegal to carry sharp swords in public, miss." A police inspector said to a bandaged Motoko as she sat in a chair in front of him, surrounded by a SWAT team armed to the teeth with various firearms.

"Yes," she answered, feeling minor pain in her knee and shoulder and the rest of her body due to the effective painkillers.

"And through the reports read here you sometimes still stroll arrogantly through the streets of the city carrying a dangerous weapon that could endanger innocent civilians." He replied angrily. "Who the _BLEEP_ do you think you _BLEEPING_ are!" he roared, losing his usually calm composure.

"Sir, think of your blood pressure." A SWAT member said.

"He doesn't have such problems." Another SWAT member commented dryly.

"I know, but I have to say something to calm him down, don't I?" he explained.

"Point taken." The other SWAT officer agreed while still clutching his shotgun and keeping an eye on the dangerous girl in the chair.

"I demand to speak with my sister," Motoko declared, hoping that her older sister Tsuroko would sort out this mess.

"She's already on her way to the station," the middle-aged inspector answered while lighting a cigar, "And she didn't sound very happy 'bout you being arrested for attempted **murder** and carrying a weapon in **public**."

Motoko gulped.

(Oh-boy.) Motoko thought in self-pity. (This really isn't my day…)

* * *

(It's now or never!) Shinobu thought as Keitaro announced that he was back from town after entering the main door of the dormitory where he was made the official living punching bag and labourer.

She had forgotten that it was about two days before the school dance would begin because of all the weird things that suddenly began to happen.

(Just put on the cute/sad/innocent act and everything will be okay.) Shinobu's sub-consciousness told her after scolding Shinobu's mind with all kinds of verbal abuse to make her follow its commands. (And if it fails, I still have that surprise.)

"S-Sempai… I-I-I have a favour to ask of you?" Shinobu said seemingly stuttering while trying to act quite sad, tearful and vulnerable. Her cornflower blue eyes staring at him. She also appeared to hold something behind her back with both her hands.

"What is it?" Keitaro asked her.

"Would you please accompany me to the school dance?" She said without stuttering, her eyes questioning and beckoning him to accept her offer.

"No." was Keitaro's simple answer.

"No?" Shinobu was confused over Keitaro's answer. "Why?"

(Other than the fact that I would be branded a child molester for the rest of my life and probably spend the rest of my young life in jail for statutory rape.) Keitaro's mind pessimistically and cynically commented to himself.

"B-Because it would be bad for your reputation if I hang around you there," he then answered to her, feeling a sharp twinge of guilt for lying to her. He hoped his reputation as a complete and utter idiot with masochistic tendencies pining for a girl with severe anger management problems would be the best excuse to discourage her from asking him to be her date at the dance. "And the fact that Narusegawa would kill me and accuse me of trying to take advantage of an innocent girl."

Unfortunately for him it looked like Shinobu wasn't exactly about to give up. She showed him what she had concealed from him.

It was his Iron Maiden t-shirt!

The thing was that the tears and small holes had been sewn together and the many big holes were patched up. While it still looked shabbier and uglier than ever before, it meant more to Keitaro that his grandfather had given it to him as a gift to wear when he was older. It was of some emotional value to him and he had grown attached to it after wearing it for a while.

"How did you….?"

"I asked a tailor who used to be customer when mom and dad were together to fix it for me. He said that it was a lost cause, but he was willing to give it a shot."

Keitaro hugged Shinobu gratefully.

"Thank you, Shinobu-chan. Thank you." He said softly. After his t-shirt had been ruined he had simply thrown the remains of it in his closet, being both depressed and enraged at the same time. It had then mysteriously disappeared from the closet.

"I know that it's not that very good, Sempai," Shinobu stuttered, feeling a warm feeling inside now that she had made Keitaro happy. True she didn't have Naru or Mutsumi's good looks, smarts or charismatic influence when it came to interacting with Keitaro, but she was good at what she could do at least.

"You did good, Shinobu-chan." Keitaro said, his brown eyes staring gratefully into the hopeful blue eyes of the younger girl. "I'll be honoured to accompany you to the dance." He then blurted out without thinking properly.

(_BLEEP_!) his mind thought feverishly. (Why the heck did I say that?) He knew that when he usually made a promise, he usually intended to keep it.

Shinobu's mind was a different matter. (YEEEESSS! Am I good or what?)

Keitaro was now wondering if the prison he would be put in served good food, and if he could manage to avoid becoming a prison "bitch" if the other inmates got horny. He got the inner urge to say: "D'oh!" like Homer Simpson, but suppressed it.

(Now I really regret asking mom and dad to send me a pair of my formal suits and getting them today of all times.)

"Are you hungry?" a beaming Shinobu smilingly said to him as she presented him with a meal she had worked very hard and determined with. Containing just about the right amount of various spices and having a taste that literally made the taste buds scream for more.

(Might as well enjoy some of Shinobu's homemade cooking.) Keitaro sighed mentally as he sat down on a chair near the dinner table, wondering if he should opt for using the chop sticks, or a knife and a fork instead.

After Shinobu served him with rice and her well-made meal (on a dinner plate of course, not the very table itself) ,Keitaro ate some of it.

His mind and stomach instantly screamed for more.

* * *

Mitsune Konno also felt regret.

Regret for not taking her wallet with her and having no Keitaro to scam money from.

Luckily after a few days her family had bailed her out. They could have done so a lot earlier, but they decided that their "dear" sake-swilling, no-good daughter of theirs should contemplate her ways behind bars for a little while.

Keitaro had informed her during visiting hours that Su-chan had somehow become possessed and they had to exorcize her. That resulted in Kaolla Su being confined to her futon/bed with slight head injuries after being bonked repeatedly in the noggin with a frying pan and then was also whacked in the head with blunt metal objects.

And that Motoko had been arrested for trying to play Kill Bill out in the streets with a normal guy. And when rivals of the Aoyama family with opportunistic tendencies found out, they were grinning like maniacs and leaked it out to the media and the various groups and families practicing swordsmanship in the country. It looked like Tsuroko Aoyama was now going to have her hands full.

Naru however still had slightly scalded hands due to the glue that had to be removed from her hands with hot, hot water. (And Keitaro had suppressed a devilish grin as he did it.)

She was now out on the streets walking towards home. And said home was a former inn that was now turned into a dormitory for girls (except the manager who was still quite male of course… as long as Motoko didn't strike him in a certain place with her sword or Naru didn't smash it with her punches and kicks).

She was considering being nicer to their very clumsy manager and changing her mischievous ways, but seconds later decided against it since she then would have to find another source to scam money from and use as entertainment when she was bored.

No way in hell would she stop using Keitaro for her own purposes. But she had to admit that he was cute in a normal-looking way and nice to be with despite being either the most persistent or the dumbest guy in town.

If he ever got tired of chasing Naru, maybe she could persuade him into shacking up with her. He was definitely not on her top list since Seta Noriyasu filled up those places (and most of her NC-17 dreams and thoughts), but he had many good qualities that made him a suitable guy to most women. The fact that he was extremely loyal and hardworking, and not to mention kind despite not being the sharpest tool in the shed, made him eligible husband material.

She imagined having Keitaro as her husband and Seta as her lover and all three of them participating in an all-passionate threesome in a swimming pool filled with warm sake.

Kitsune slapped her forehead trying to erase the images of Keitaro while keeping those of Seta, wondering why the hell she was including the manager in her most intimate fantasies.

"I think I really need a drink today," she muttered and continued walking, the Hinata-sou in her sight from a slightly far distance.

A barrel of sake crashed in to her.

* * *

"Oops!" a man said while wincing.

Instead of lifting the heavy barrel containing sake, he simply decided to roll it into the pub where he worked as one of the bartenders. Unfortunately it slipped away from his hands when he tripped, and it decided to roll full speed into another direction and crashed into a young woman with bandages wrapped around the upper part of her head.

(Let's just hope the barrel's okay or the boss will kill me for sure! Luckily that girl stopped it.) he thought gratefully as he walked towards the barrel.

* * *

"Me and my big mouth!" Mitsune Konno groaned in pain as she lay there, pinned to a lamp post by a large barrel filled with sake from the looks of it.

* * *

Like always Naru was now having conflicting emotions concerning Keitaro as she relaxed in the hot springs. Most of them concerning rage and great anger and some of them full of romantic thoughts and notions like potential love and such.

Naru wasn't stupid. She was in fact quite intelligent and talented. Rigorously studying almost every day except on her vacations.

Too bad having a high intelligence doesn't in reality make you a really better person than most other people.

She loved Keitaro - but also had some serious problems when it came to expressing that love in the right way (usually in the form of **incredible acts of physical violence**). That and that she became a lot of times green with envy when the "stupid pervert" was spending time with others than her.

She did on some occasions show him that she genuinely cared (usually when she was certain the others weren't around), and it did seem to encourage him to put up with her (most of the time).

She stared at her hands, seeing that they had almost recovered from the scalding.

Keitaro had been very sweet to her after he freed her from further hanging on to a glued Liddo-kun that was glued upside-down on the ceiling, even applying soothing ointments that dulled the pain she felt coming from her hands, his brown eyes filled with concern and caring as he cared for both her and Su-chan.

She admitted that he had many positive sides that exceeded those of Seta's, despite being both incredibly stupid and clumsy at the same time.

She suddenly realized what she was doing and crossed out those positive sides.

"If only Keitaro would look more and act more like Seta," Naru sighed sadly as she let her body sink into the warm water.

* * *

Maehara Shinobu concluded that her meal she had prepared just in case everything went totally wrong was in fact a culinary masterpiece that would have made her parents proud. At least that one of her happy memories with her parents in the past when she was taught how to make things incredibly edible.

Her blue eyes hid a mischievous smile as he she watched a sated and content Keitaro rested on his chair, his plate empty.

"It was incredible, Shinobu-chan," Keitaro praised her smilingly.

Inside the young girl felt a swelling pride.

(Take that, Naru-sempai and Mutsumi-sempai!) her mind shouted in ecstatic glee. (Now I just have to keep it from Naru-sempai and Kitsune. Too bad Su can't come with us to the dance,) she thought sadly. She then remembered that one of her favourite shows was about to start on the TV. She went over to the couch and picked up the remote control and sat down as she switched the television set on.

Keitaro having nothing to do at the moment sat down beside her on the couch. Feeling his body's weariness as he accepted the horrible fate awaiting him. Either Naru would kill him in a way that would make most males shudder in fright when they thought about it and then tell their sons never to pursue hyperviolent girls and use him as an urban legend, or there was a slight chance to end up arrested. If Motoko hadn't been arrested she would have most likely turned him into shish ke-Keitaro with her sword.

* * *

"Looks like the Aoyama clan will be out of business when this is over," a rival of Tsuroko Aoyma's school taunted cheerfully as she was walking in the direction of the train station with a sombre look in her eyes.

"Just shut up!" she growled back at him without turning his head towards him.

In Kyoto several of her rivals were grinning like maniacs when they heard the news which was good to them and bad for every Aoyama who practised swordsmanship in the country since they now knew something which could be used in smear campaigns against them.

"Hope they lock you up with your loony sister and throw away the key, Aoyama!" another one shouted gleefully from a nearby window.

Tsuroko despite her patience felt a tiny, tiny urge to lash out at them in a hardcore Motoko style and gritted her teeth, but fortunately for her she was apparently the Aoyama with common sense who knew that it would worsen if she began to act like her little sister.

It was no secret that several people bore grudges against the Aoyama family because of how Motoko acted and that many rivals were jealous of her and felt that she and her sister (and to mention the entire family) had to be brought down a notch or two.

(Mom and dad told me sooner or later there would be days like these,) she sighed sadly.

"I never liked the both of you anyway!" an old man around the corner shouted at her.

(When I'm done with you, sister-dear… you'll wish that you were never born!) These raging and boiling thoughts were now going through her head as she ignored them all.

She had to clear the family name, or it might end with the Shinmei Ryu school being closed down forever and the family having to live with the shame for the rest of their lives.

* * *

Another resident of Kyoto simply shrugged as he put down the newspaper he read on his lap. "What is it with those kendo freaks?"

"I don't know?" his friend sitting next to him on the bench reading a book about people around the world slaughtering each other for ridiculous reasons through history said as he rolled his eyes upwards. "I think it's some sort of silly rivalry or something."

"I feel sorry for that woman for being related to that madwoman," he winced.

"I agree; and those rivals of hers have no right to take it out on her and her clan because of her little sister's misdeeds."

"That's the double, triple, quadruple and quintuple standards of society, friend, can't do anything against it." He shrugged in defeat and went back to reading the paper.

* * *

Two days had passed.

The Day of Judgement was at hand.

Keitaro gulped as he waited outside the main doors of the Hinata-sou in one of his formal suits.

He was glad that Kitsune had been released from prison, but at the same time he thought his wallet shuddered in fear now that the dormitory minx/vixen/alcohol consumer had returned. To keep her out of mischief today he had given her one bottle of whiskey, one brandy bottle and a bottle of strong sake to keep her out of mischief. To be on the safe side he had also drugged the sake bottle with something he had filched from Su-chan's room that the young girl had told him was a sleeping medicine. Mitsune Konno passed out like a light in her room and began snoring. He then rolled out her futon after entering and tucked her in to prevent her from catching cold. It was too bad he didn't notice after closing the door to her room that her face began to suffer from a severe acne invasion as pimples suddenly appeared around her entire face.

After putting on his formal clothes he exited the Hinata-sou as quietly as he could after hiring a taxi through the telephone to drive them to Shinobu's school.

Luckily Narusegawa was studying hard as usual, probably daydreaming about her and her "precious" Seta stark naked in a bathtub full of chocolate sauce.

A light tap on his shoulder interrupted his thoughts. He turned around and saw Shinobu Maehara smiling at him.

Shinobu was dressed in a rather modest knee-length, form-fitting blue dress with spaghetti straps and was carrying a purse attached to a long strap on her right shoulder.

"You look….nice," Keitaro said to her.

"Thank you, Sempai." Shinobu responded while smiling at him while holding out her left arm, "Shall we go?"

(Might as well…" Keitaro mentally sighed in defeat as he held out his right arm. He heard the screech of a taxi using the handbrake to make a slight slide as tire marks appeared on the concrete… and then crashing into a lamp post.

The taxi driver exited the taxi. "Whoops!" was all she said as she looked on the small dents made near the front on her car. She was dressed in blue jeans and wore grey sneakers. She also wore a black AC/DC t-shirt

"Are you sure that Seta didn't teach her how to drive?" Shinobu asked Keitrao worriedly.

"Well Kazuyo drives waaaayy safer than Seta usually does," Keitaro explained, "she's just a little bit clumsy sometimes when she tries to show off."

The short-haired taxi driver looked impatiently at them and said: "Are you coming?" as she scratched her raven-black hair. "And I heard that 'clumsy' part, you know. If you want to walk all the way, it's fine with me." She added sardonically.

"I didn't mean to insult you, Kazuyo," Keitaro apologized.

Kazuyo looked at him. "I'll forgive you if you say this little phrase I'm going to say in a moment."

"And what is it I'm supposed to say?" he asked while looking at her quizzically.

"Seta Noriyasu is a self-centred, arrogant prick whose driving repeatedly rapes the roads and highways across the world." Kazuyo said casually while grinning at him.

"That's easy." Keitaro responded and repeated what Kazuyo just said (with quite a lot of modifications that sadly has to be censored to prevent you readers from hearing such words which might damage your psyche immensely).

"Wow!" was the astonished answer from Kazuyo. "But I thought you admired Seta and wanted to just like him?" she asked afterwards.

"I did." Was Keitaro's blunt answer.

Shinobu looked at Keitaro. She had really been surprised listening to Keitaro badmouthing Seta like there was no tomorrow. She hadn't really approved over his colourful vocabulary, but there was one unanswered question she felt she had to ask.

"Do you know her, Sempai?" she interrupted.

"He wrecked my old taxi a few months ago when he crashed into it." Kazuyo told her.

"It was that day Su wanted to test her hyper-ultra-mega-super death ray of doom™ on me and strapped me to a giant bull's eye." Keitaro added and then continued. "And I was launched into the air by Narusegawa since I managed to escape when Tama-chan short-circuited Su's invention and I managed to gnaw through the ropes with my teeth in pure desperation and threw myself out the window and landed on Motoko-chan who was out training and Naru thought I was molesting Motoko and launched me into the air with one of her punches. And afterwards I crashed into Kazuyo's old cab."

Shinobu blinked. "All that in just one day?"

"I hated that old wreck," Kazuyo interrupted as well. "Luckily I could haul in the insurance money and get a better one," she said and patted the hood of her taxi. "Are we just gonna stand here chatting or do you want me to drive?"

"Drive please." Shinobu said.

* * *

Kitsune woke up. She dressed herself and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Kitsune looked into the mirror. Kitsune blinked.

* * *

A bloodcurdling scream echoed through the entire Hinata-sou.

"Keitaro!" Naru roared as she ran in the direction of the bathroom where Mitsune Konno's scream was heard. She opened the door and rushed in. "Get your filthy hands off Kitsune or so help me I'll - "

Naru then discovered that Kitsune was the only one present inside besides her. She at least thought it was her friend Kitsune since she wore the kind of clothes Kitsune usually wore and still wore those bandages that Kitsune had wrapped around her head. The problem was that Kitsune's face was suffering a pimple and acne invasion of grand proportions.

"Don't look at me!" Mitsune Konno screamed while trying to cover her face with her hands.

* * *

"YEEEEEEEES!" Kazuyo hissed in satisfaction she switched on the nitro she had modded on her taxi a few weeks ago. Both Keitaro and Shinobu were screaming in terror as Kazuyo drove like a maniac in control of something she/he shouldn't possess as the car increased in speed.

"Make way for the queen of the road!" the speed junkie taxi driver shouted out her open window in morbid glee.

The CD player began to play Roxette's Joyride. And Kazuyo began to sing along. She couldn't sing very well though but continued singing anyway.

Shinobu and Keitaro covered their ears while continuing screaming.

* * *

Kaolla Su was sad since she didn't get to accompany Shinobu and Keitaro to the school dance. The reason was that she was confined to her futon with bandages covering her head due to having been repeatedly whacked in the head with blunt/blessed instruments made of metal.

She slowly raised herself from her prone position, feeling pangs of pain despite taking some painkillers.

She walked slowly, constantly staggering to one of her newest inventions. Her vision was blurry and the pain shooting through made it hard to focus and concentrate; but despite this she managed through sheer force of will to tread towards something that looked like a giant metallic cylinder with a metallic door on the front with a porthole on it.

It was her untested but finished healing chamber which she had planned to use on Keitaro after zapping him with her newest Mecha-Tama.

Fiddling with a control panel she entered the door which had opened. The metallic door then closed itself after Su entered it.

Kaolla Su sighed as she closed her eyes and sleep took her in its arms.

* * *

"Come on!" muttered a sour Kazuyo (very) sourly as she opened the car doors for her two passengers who were looking frightened at her, "I didn't exactly hit or run over something like Seta usually does when he drives. And he drives like he's in Death Race 2000 on steroids."

"No, but Seta drives a lot slower than you do," Keitaro answered as he wobbled out of the door, followed by Shinobu who wobbled unsteadily as well.

As Kazuyo drove off, Shinobu turned to Keitaro and said, "Why did you of all the taxi drivers in town choose her?"

"Because she said she was doing it for free," Keitaro admitted to her and sighed. "And now I'm getting the feeling that I really regretted it. And I just thought it was a rumour that she participated in the annual Cannonball Run last year."

"Remind to never to drive with her again, Sempai." Shinobu shuddered.

"Call me Keitaro," he said to her.

"Huh?" was Shinobu's puzzled answer.

"I don't mean to insult you, Shinobu, but it gets irritating some times when you always address me as 'Sempai'. Why don't I just call you Shinobu for this night instead of saying 'Shinobu-chan' like I usually do,"

I'm sorry Urashima-Semp - " Shinobu was about to apologize, but Keitaro interrupted her with a wave.

"Just say my name Shinobu. No one's going to harm you for saying it," Keitaro sighed.

"O-Okay… Keitaro," Shinobu said, avoiding narrowly to say the word she usually addressed him with.

"That's better, Shinobu," Keitaro smiled at her.

* * *

"Where the_ BLEEP_ is that _BLEEPING_ pervert!" Naru shouted as she pranced around the Hinata-sou, searching around every corner for Keitaro. That was because Keitaro wasn't studying with her as usual.

Mitsune Konno accompanied her on her search, her face now covered entirely with bandages, making her head look like a mummy's head from an old horror movie. Her eyes were the only thing visible on her face.

"I don't know," Mitsune said to her friend, "maybe you should ask Su and see if she knows anything."

"I did that just a few minutes ago!" Naru roared. "And she was sleeping inside some kind of giant machine, and she couldn't even hear me when I pounded on the metal door or when I shouted."

"Why not ask Haruka? Keitaro still hasn't entirely gotten over the stage where you usually tell your parents or any other older relative where you're going." Was the piece of advice given to Naru by Kitsune.

"Might be worth a try," Naru shrugged.

* * *

Both Keitaro and Shinobu were equally shocked over seeing the other girls wearing inhuman amounts of make up and cosmetics on their faces. And the fact that the majority had also had on lipstick, made them resemble more like beautiful clowns in dresses than people attending a simple school dance.

"……" Keitaro said.

"……" Shinobu answered.

"Ara? Fancy meeting you here." A cheerful and known voice exclaimed happily to them.

"Mutsumi? What you doing here?" a flabbergasted Keitaro uttered in shock as he and Shinobu turned around to face her.

Mutsumi was wearing a formal green dress and was smiling at them.

"I got a job as an intern working at the school, Keitaro." She smiled at him.

"That's uh - great," he stammered.

She turned to Shinobu: "Oh, hello, Shinobu." She didn't look surprised. And her smile was warm and friendly.

Shinobu looked at Mutsumi. "Hello." She smiled back to the older girl coming from Okinawa.

* * *

Naru was cursing and swearing like there was no tomorrow as she strode through the streets of Hinata in the direction of Shinobu's school.

She planned on beating Keitaro to a pulp (as usual) and drag him back to the dorm by his legs (and beat him up some more).

Mitsune Konno accompanied her friend. Her head wrapped with bandages.

The night was neither too gloomy nor too dark. It was like something in-between, neither perfect nor bad.

While she was there for her younger best friend, Kitsune was considering if she was becoming too involved with Naru's life, and that Naru should learn to learn some things on her own.

(Nah! What would be the fun in that?) the vixen-like fox girl thought and shrugged as she followed Naru with a backpack strapped to her shoulders.

"I can't believe how perverted he is!" Naru roared.

"It's just a normal dance, Naru, not an orgy of extremely perverted proportions." Kitsune looked at her critically. "And I don't think he's the type to do something to other girls."

She concluded that Naru was overreacting (as if that wasn't something new).

(It's going to be a long walk,) Mitsune Konno mentally sighed.

* * *

(At least it's better than dancing with other guys.) Keitaro thought. But he had to admit that some of the guys he had danced with before in the past had been kind of cute in their own way. And they had been nice enough to actually dance with him when he thought about it, despite he at that time being repulsed to actually dance with another guy.

He was helping himself to a glass of water, since he suspected that drinking the odd-looking substance in the bowl supposed to contain punch was not a very smart move to do.

"Why are you not drinking the punch, S-, I mean Keitaro?" Shinobu looked at him quizzically.

Keitaro looked her straight in the eye with a serious look: "Believe me - you don't want to drink from that stuff."

"Oh?"

He had to admit it was nice to talk to Mutsumi and Shinobu without fearing any form of retribution from them if he made an accident.

He felt quite out of place here since he in fact was older than most of the people attending the school dance. But he did see teachers around the place and Mutsumi was a little older than him.

The dance music played at the moment was a classical waltz that felt familiar to Keitaro despite having forgotten the name of it.

"Want to dance?" he turned to Shinobu holding out his hand.

* * *

"Finally!" Naru cried out as she strode towards the entrance. Her rage being emitted around her, creating an atmosphere promising violence to those in her way.

The bouncer standing in front of the entrance didn't even flinch when he saw her, and knew immediately that the girl meant trouble. Trouble with a capital "T".

He denied her entry as he placed himself between her and the entrance doors. "I don't think so!" he said coldly to her as he stared hard at her and Kitsune.

It turned quite ugly when Naru discovered that he could neither be persuaded or intimidated by anything she or Kitsune said. And that he badmouthed Seta since he had almost run him over a few months ago.

She attacked him using the Kung Fu techniques taught to her by Seta Noriyasu in the past.

* * *

It had been nice dancing with Shinobu. And nothing bad had really happened when they danced.

When the music stopped they went over to Mutsumi who was sitting in a chair near an almost empty corner.

"Ara, where did you learn to dance like that?" Mutsumi asked him, her brown, friendly eyes gazing at him.

"Funny you should mention that," Keitaro laughed sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head with his right arm. "It was actually a few friendly guys who taught me how to waltz."

"So how was your first time dancing with a girl?" Shinobu asked him coyly.

"It was….. nice," Keitaro simply said. "Not what I expected , though."

"Oh." Shinobu answered, disappointment etched on her face.

"I'm sorry," Keitaro apologized quickly, "It wasn't meant as an insult, Shinobu."

He sighed a sigh of relief as Shinobu brightened up as if she was never sad to begin with. He hadn't meant to hurt her with that remark, it was just that he felt that all the magic had gone out of everything.

The promise he made on that fateful day; Tokyo University; all the supposed trashy romance that's supposed to be in the air during formal occasions such as these. It just all felt so empty and meaningless when he thought about it. But still it was nice to dance with a kind and gentle girl like Shinobu (who didn't beat him up on a daily basis).

"Do you want to dance some more?" he asked Shinobu.

"Sure," she answered.

* * *

Naru was thrown off the school ground by the bouncer who looked like a normal non-attractive guy wearing casual clothes.

"And stay out!" he spat out and walked back to the entrance.

Mitsune Konno decided that it was better to not giving the bouncer an excuse to beat her up by trying to sneak in while he handled her younger friend.

Maybe it was because he had whacked Naru with a wrench that he suddenly appeared to have in his hand after having blocked a punch to his face with it, making Naru flinch in pain as her fist impacted with the metal; and then seizing the opportunity to hit her over the head.

He slung the wrench over his shoulder as he walked back to the entrance where Kitsune waited.

"The door's locked." He informed her simply.

"So I noticed," the fox-like girl replied.

"Therefore you can't sneak in."

"It's not very nice to hit a woman." Kitsune said, a minor hint of anger in her voice.

The bouncer simply shrugged, unaffected by the girls scolding. "I'm not a very nice person."

He turned his head towards Naru, "And I really hate martial artists who think they can get away with everything." He waved his wrench around. "And that's why I always go around with Mr. Fixit as protection."

"Mr. Fixit?" Mitsune Konno's eyes widened in shock over the having given a wrench a name of all things.

"I used to be a mechanic working in a garage before some martial artist blew it up with some kind of energy blast he hurled at another one of those freaks." He explained." "I'm just taking this job as a bouncer until I can get a job in another garage."

Naru charged at him again.

"Oh no, you don't!" He braced himself as Naru closed in.

"_MR. FIXIT BASH!_" the bouncer cried out (since he was in a funny mood now and wanted to give this simple blow a name just for kicks).

What happened was predictable.

**CLANG**

* * *

"I'm glad you came with me, Keitaro," Shinobu thanked him as they sat beside each other in a corner in two chairs beside one another.

Mutsumi sat in the chair adjacent to Keitaro, looking cheerful and happy. But still Keitaro managed to notice in some moments a sad smile or a sad look from Mutsumi when she thought he wasn't looking at her.

Keitaro sighed.

He knew she wasn't Narusegawa. And he knew that he sure wasn't some bloody Prince Charming from a stupid story. He wasn't attractive. He wasn't smart, rich or good at sports. And he knew that to win Naru's heart he had to become something he was not.

He then realized that Mutsumi was one of the few girls who thought he was worth smiling at, despite his constant obsession over Naru. He sighed sadly. (At least Mutsumi is a better person than I will ever be in my entire miserable life.)

He wondered if it was really worth it to pursue Naru, feeling that he would be forced to erase his very identity to make her see him in another way. He decided to postpone this mental question, and decided that he at least owed Mutsumi a dance for being a good friend all those times they had been together.

"Mutsumi," Keitaro suddenly turned his head towards her, raising himself up from the chair.

"What?" she asked him, having a confused look in her eyes.

"May I have this dance?" He then asked her with a friendly, warm smile and held out his hand.

"Ara?" was all Mutsumi said, but then regained her composure and accepted the offer. Keitaro saw a sincere happy smile on her face as she took his hand.

* * *

**CLANG**

Naru groaned in pain as she nursed her forehead after being thrown out of school property.

The bouncer definitely was on her top list of males she utterly despised now.

* * *

While Shinobu Maehara was a little sad over Keitaro asking Mutsumi to dance instead of her, she was at least happy for Mutsumi that Keitaro at least had decided to dance with her.

It wasn't as she had expected at all. All that crap about romance in the night was overrated and purely nonsense. And all the jewellery, make up and lipstick many of the girls here wore made them look like morons.

She sighed a little as she stared at Keitaro and Mutsumi. She heard a classical waltz being played as they danced.

"Well if it isn't the midget?" a rude and mean voice suddenly said haughtily to her.

Shinobu turned her head to the side where the voice came from and saw a gang of girls that looked like they came from a cheap bordello. She felt a shiver of fear coursing through her body when she recognized those who usually picked on her when she was in school. They always teased and bullied her, making her life hell. Luckily it didn't happen very often since they had the habit of picking on various people they detested. But often their words and actions hurt when they decided it was time to bother her.

While she still felt some fear, she also felt an inhuman anger rise up in her as they came with their usual words. Criticizing how she was dressed and all that. Telling her that she was small and ugly.

"And to think that you decided to get that four-eyed retard to accompany you!" one of them said, venom in her voice and continued badmouthing Keitaro while he danced with Mutsumi.

(That's it!) Shinobu's mind mentally raged after they went away to pick on other girls and boys.

That was the final straw.

They had no right to say that and the other bad things they said about Keitaro. Despite of being clumsy and making bad decisions, Keitaro did all he could to make the girls feel at home in Hinata. And the fact the she really, really wanted revenge for all the times they were mean to her.

From her purse she pulled out a small plastic bag filled with Kaolla Su's homemade super hallucinogenic LSD. She had found it Su's room when she and Keitaro had nursed her and had hidden it away in her purse to keep it out of Su's hands. She had completely forgotten that it was in her purse until now.

Shinobu smiled a small smile of satisfaction as she walked over to the punch bowl that lay in the vicinity of the victims of her revenge, having a feeling that they soon were going to be very thirsty. When she was certain that no one was looking at her she poured the contents of the small bag into the punch.

She then walked out to the chair and after a few minutes grinned an evil grin when she saw her tormentors drinking from the spiked punch. Unfortunately a lot of other people also drank from it as well.

* * *

"Here," Kitsune said as she handed Naru a dark dress that seemed formal enough along with a pair of formal shoes. She had dragged Naru into an empty alley away from the school.

"What am I supposed to do with these?" Naru gazed critically at her friend.

"You need to wear this to get past the guard and pass unnoticed through the kids inside." Mitsune explained to Naru in a motherly tone.

"And how am I supposed to get past that guy and his 'Mr. Fixit'?" Naru sceptically looked at the clothes given to her.

"Leave it to me!" Kitsune flashed her one of her patented foxy smiles.

* * *

"So it's you again, 'mummy-head'." The bouncer grumbled as he read a local newspaper with a picture of Motoko depicted in the headlines. "I doubt you can seduce me with your head wrapped up like that." The wrench lay beside him on the ground.

"I wasn't going to," she answered and unwrapped her bandages, revealing her face to the bouncer.

"Except the fact that your face is covered with acne and pimples I have to admit that you have a good-looking face" the bouncer concluded. Unfortunately he didn't get to say more since a pair of familiar hands picked up Mr. Fixit and introduced it to the bouncers head; and the result was that he passed out on the ground.

Kitsune saw the opportunity to search his pockets and took out some keys. She decided to let him keep his money and wallet since she didn't want to end up behind bars again.

"Good job, Naru!" Kitsune commented to her as she stood there in formal attire, a wrench held over one of her shoulders before she let it drop to the ground.

"Now open this door, Kitsune." She said.

* * *

Mutsumi was happy that Keitaro was dancing with her. At least it gave her some hope that she at least had a chance with Keitaro.

Keitaro was certainly not the best dancer she ever danced with, but he was a considerate and gentle guy who cared a lot for other people despite his many flaws.

As the classical waltz music stopped playing, now being replaced by more modern music, Keitaro looked at Mutsumi, his brown eyes showing compassion and warmth, "Want to dance some more?"

"Sure." Her chocolate brown eyes had a gentle look as she smiled at him.

They continued dancing as the song continued to play.

_We never talked about it, but I hear the blame was mine  
I called you up to say I'm sorry, but I wouldn't wanna waste your time_

_Cos I love you, but I can't take anymore  
There's a look I can't describe in your eyes  
We could try like we've tried before, would you keep on telling me those lies_

_Do you remember (do you remember), tell me do you remember (do you remember)_

_There seemed no way to make up, because it seems your mind was set  
The way you looked, it told me, that's a look I know I'll never forget  
You could've come over to my side, you could've let me know  
You could've tried to see the distance between us  
But it seemed too far for you to go_

_Tell me do you remember (do you remember)  
Tell me do you remember (do you remember)_

_Through all of my life, in__ spite of all the pain  
You know people are funny sometimes, 'cos we just can't wait to get hurt again  
Tell me do you remember, oh (do you remember)  
The feelings we won't recall, are feelings we'll never find  
It's taken so long to see, 'cos we never seemed to have the time  
There was always something more important to do, more important to say  
And I love you wasn't one of those things, but now it's too late (now it's too late)_

_Tell me do you remember (now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over)  
Tell me do you remember_

_(do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over) (repeats)_

_Just tell me now, tell me now, just tell me now, tell me now  
Tell me do you remember  
Do you, do you, do you, do you, do you remember  
Do you remember  
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over  
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over  
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over  
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over  
Do you remember now it's over, do you remember, ooh it's over  
Do you remember?_

When they stopped dancing after the song ended, both of them noticed something very, very strange.

"Ara? What are those people doing?"

"Well one of them is wearing the punch bowl over her head and proclaiming that she's the undisputed ruler of Neverland and that Peter Pan and Captain Hook are her bitches." Keitaro said truthfully, as the young woman began to bounce around proclaiming that she could fly while still wearing the punch bowl over her head.

"And another one is putting his ear to the floor and telling the others that the floor is telling him something." Mutsumi continued as she gazed at the guy placing his ear to the floor.

"And one guy ran out of here screaming that the place was filled with monsters." Keitaro commented. "…..And he crashed into someone that looks like Naru."

"I think it is Naru, Keitaro." Mutsumi corrected him.

And to Keitaro's dismay and foreboding fear she was in fact correct. It was Naru who was dressed in a dark-coloured dress. And she was walking towards them slowly.

(I'm doomed!) He thought as he looked at her.

* * *

A small feeling of guilt overcame Shinobu Maehara as she witnessed several students suffering from drinking from the punch bowl she had spiked. She knew that her rage had clouded her judgement after the girls had said bad things about one of the few persons who actually showed some concern for her. But she had to admit it was funny seeing her tormentors acting like fools tonight, despite all the innocent victims suffering because of her actions.

(I have to admit that payback does give me some satisfaction.) Shinobu's brain transmitted the strange and disturbing thought to her sub-consciousness. She was shocked of the content feeling inside of her that came as result of her attempt at revenge and being partly successful.

The tiny girl slapped her forehead to make her head think like it used to do.

"Oh, well." She sighed as she sat down on a chair. "At least I got to dance with Sempai."

She then realized that Naru was suddenly there also. She could recognize that face almost anywhere.

* * *

"So there you are!" Naru scowled darkly at Keitaro as the young manager looked very, very scared.

She then turned to Mutsumi and Shinobu who had walked over to them. "Did he do anything to you?" Her question hurt Keitaro slightly as he heard, almost sounding like an accusation. But he had gotten a little used to Naru's accusations/questions since they almost happened a lot of times when he was with the other girls; but it still hurt deeply to hear that the person you cared about still didn't trust you.

"No," Shinobu said.

"No," Mutsumi said likewise and shook her head.

"Excuse me, Narusegawa, but where's Kitsune?" Keitaro quickly interjected in a desperate attempt to divert the conversation.

"Outside." Naru simply said as she looked at Keitaro critically. She had to admit that he looked decent enough in formal attire. And the atmosphere seemed romantic enough.

"Well it seems that they are telling the truth, Keitaro," she said to Keitaro, her features softening a little. It almost looked like the anger had dissipated on the surface at least.

(Oh, well! I might as well enjoy it) she thought. She smiled at Keitaro. "Keitaro?"

"Yes?" he looked at her quizzically.

"Want to dance?" she blurted out.

_She had asked him if he wanted to dance with her._

It was tempting, really tempting as hell to say "YES!" out loud.

Keitaro looked Naru in the eyes as he said: "Sorry, Narusegawa, but I'm feeling really tired right now; and I think it's time to go since some of the people here are really acting weird now." He hoped she believed him; his first statement was actually a white lie, while the rest was true.

He steeled himself for a powerful blow from Naru, trying to at least to be prepared to be hit.

Neither a punch nor a kick thrown in anger came hurtling at him.

Naru looked as if she had been slapped straight in the face.

Mutsumi and Shinobu saw that Keitaro's rejection had emotionally hurt her.

"Don't worry," he then said to her, "I'll hire a taxi to drive you home."

* * *

"Well, these are the two you're supposed to drive home, Kazuyo." Keitaro said to Kazuyo as he stood outside of the school with Naru, Kitsune, Shinobu and Mutsumi in front of her, while pointing at Naru and Kitsune.

"And why aren't you driving with us?" Kitsune questioned, trying a make a foxy smile under the bandages around her face.

"It's my way of apologizing for not being able to dance with Naru tonight." He explained to them. "I'll pay the fee for driving the two of you back in 'style'," he continued and gave Kazuyo a decent amount of money.

Naru brightened slightly at what he just said and a few minutes later Kazuyo drove off with Naru and Kitsune as her passengers.

And then Kazuyo turned on the nitro….

And the three remaining thought they heard two persons scream as the car disappeared from view.

* * *

"Ara? Why aren't you coming with us?" Mutsumi asked him as she and Shinobu sat in the passenger seats of another taxi Keitaro had hired.

"I just thought I needed to take a walk tonight."

"But it's still a little far to walk." Shinobu said, looking at him worried.

"Don't worry," he shrugged, "if I can survive living with Naru, Motoko and Su, then I think I can survive being mugged if that ever happens."

As the taxi disappeared from view, Keitaro starting walking in the direction of where the Hinata-sou lay.

Despite having spent too much money tonight on hiring two cabs, he still felt that it had been nice to dance with both Shinobu-chan and Mutsumi-san tonight. It had been hard to reject Naru's offer, but he had the gut feeling that if he had taken it, he would then afterwards do something incredibly stupid that would make Naru hit him hard and send him through the roof like a cannonball. And that would have certainly ruined this night for a lot of people to have their night interrupted by a sudden act of unprovoked violence.

He started singing quietly as he walked.

"_Then they summoned me over to join in with them. To the Dance of the Dead. In to the circle of fire I followed them. In to the middle I was led…._"

* * *

When he came back home he knew immediately that the rest were most likely asleep.

And that Naru and Kitsune were probably so exhausted from Kazuyo's driving that they went to their rooms and fell asleep.

He smirked evilly of thinking of the little prank he played on the two. They had deserved it for hurting the poor bouncer who was only doing his job.

As he entered the living room, he saw Kaolla sitting on the couch with a sad look on her face. He walked over to her while Su seemed to be in her own melancholy world. He noticed that she was wearing one of her Molmolian dresses and some of her exotic jewellery.

"I woke up too late," she simply said without turning her head in his direction.

"Did you use that healing chamber you were supposed to test on me, Su-chan?" Keitaro asked her as he sat down beside her.

"Yeah, I figured it would fix me up so that I could at least arrive before the school dance was over, but the healing process took too long." Kaolla mumbled, holding her arms around her knees.

"Y'know, stuff like that's way too overrated in my opinion and too overromanticized by everyone. Keitaro tried to explain to her. "I just realized it now." He then gave her a friendly smile, "And you've probably danced with some nice boys back home."

"Yeah, I did," Su answered, a little smile on her face, her melancholy seemingly disappearing.

Keitaro then got an idea to make Su cheer more up. He thought it was a rather stupid idea and that maybe she didn't deserve it for abusing his as a test dummy all the time; but that was just the way he was: the nice guy who always tried to make others happy despite everything. And despite not being in her adult form that she transformed into during the time the full moon looked red, he had to admit that she looked beautiful in her own way. She was maybe not the most beautiful or exotic person he had ever seen in his life and probably very reckless when using him as her private guinea pig. But like Mutsumi and Shinobu she was beautiful in her own special way and he knew that the term 'beauty' wasn't always associated with outward appearances.

"Come on." He said taking her left hand in his right and walked up the stairs with her in tow. Kaolla was surprised by this sudden act and let him lead her up the various stairs and into her own room.

Keitaro smiled as he closed the door to her room and walked over to a holographic projector that projected realistic-looking holograms. This was an easy to use version of her original one and she had shown Keitaro how to use it a few weeks ago.

The miniature jungle that was Kaolla Su's room seemingly disappeared, now being replaced with a grand ballroom.

As music suddenly started to play in the background, Keitaro looked at Kaolla with a friendly smile in his simple brown eyes as he held out his hands. "May I have the honour of dancing with this fair princess?" he hoped the line didn't sound too corny or cliché.

Kaolla Su gave him a smile as she accepted the offer

And they began to dance as the music continued to play.

The song playing as they danced was one of Keitaro's favourite Metallica ballads. It was the live version played with the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra in the background.

_So close no matter how far  
Couldn't be much from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters_

_Never opened myself this way  
Life is ours, we live it our way  
All these words I don't just say  
And nothing else matters_

_Trust I seek and I find in you  
Every for us something new  
And nothing else matters_

_Trust I seek and I find in you  
Every day for us something new  
Open mind for a different view  
And nothing else matters._

_Never cared for what they do  
Never cared for what they know  
But I know_

_So close no matter how far  
Couldn't be much from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters_

_Never cared for what they do  
Never cared for what they know  
But I know_

_Never opened myself this way  
Life is ours, we live it our way  
All these word I don't just say_

_Trust I seek and I find in you  
Every day for us something new  
Open mind for a different view  
And nothing else matters_

_Never cared for things they say  
Never cared for games the play  
Never care for what they do  
Never care for what they know  
And I know_

_So close no matter how far  
Couldn't be much from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters_

As the song ended, the ballroom disappeared and they were again in Su's controversial room.

"Good night, Su-chan," was all Keitaro said and opened the door and stepped out, sliding the door back in place and headed for his room to sleep.

If he had still been there, he would have noticed the young girl blushing heavily, as a strange feeling crept up in her body.

* * *

It took me while to find the lyrics of the live version of _Do You Remember? _By Phil Collins.

_And if you're wondering what's going to happen in the next chapter - you just have to wait and see__…._


	5. Sisterly Supervision

Disclaimer: If I really had owned Love Hina, would I be writing this drivel? I don't own Love Hina and I'm just using the characters for my twisted amusement

Author's notes: I want to thank the anonymous reviewer for informing me about the entire sword issue. Well since it's my story I guess I have to come up with a reasonable answer why swords are suddenly illegal to carry around. And Motoko's also been arrested for drawing a weapon in public. Oh,well… Might as well make up a retcon gimmick then. Dear readers, I must inform you that I'm making an alternative universe progression where in this fic it'll be the first time Tsuroko arrives at the Hinata-sou.

* * *

Chris Oddland presents: No More Mr. Nice Guy

**or Keitaro Urashima's diabolical revenge**

Chapter 5: Sisterly Supervision or It's Good Being the Elder Sibling

* * *

Tsuroko grumbled about something having to do with hanging someone upside-down over a pit of ravenous turtles as she walked over to the police station. This anger was directed towards her younger sister Motoko who had been arrested by the police for unsheathing a blade in public, attempted murder and resisting arrest. A new, harsher law had been adopted against the carrying weapons in public because of the atrocities committed by a sociopathic martial artist who suddenly drew his katana and started killing innocent civilians out on the streets of Tokyo causing a media uproar around the country and in the Diet that resulted in this new law being put into motion. This of course caused a stir among the martial artists who brought their complaint to the courts and the media to remove it. Rumours of planned clandestine riots by martial artists and their sympathizers were heard on the streets during this time. In the end the ban was revoked and replaced with a new one where it became illegal to carrying weapons with intent to harm, some say it was because there really was some grain of truth in the street rumours. Needless to say this strained the relations between martial artist and the police and normal people more than before.

She walked in the direction of the police station where her little sister was locked up securely.

* * *

Keitaro woke up in his room; grateful over that he had survived the entire ordeal yesterday. He had been sure that he was a goner when Naru appeared and that he would either end up in jail or six feet under the earth. Luckily it didn't happen.

He smiled as he thought about the entire thing. It had been…. nice to dance with Shinobu and Mutsumi. Even dancing with Su had been enjoyable.

He got dressed and went to the living room.

* * *

Kitsune stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She frowned since she didn't like what she saw. The bandages lay discarded on the floor beside.

Pimples and lots of them, including a few blotches of acne as well. And she thought she was done with that experience a few years ago.

She then placed a hand on her scalp. She sighed a sigh of relief as she saw that it was slowly beginning to recover from the burns. A few strands of hair were now beginning to show up again.

Both she and Naru had been doggone tired after experienced one of the most terrifying rides of their lives at the hands of Kazuyo the taxi driver. The worst had been when she decided to take a shortcut by using a ramp to jump over a small river instead of using the bridge nearby.

Both she and Naru thought they were going to die.

Luckily they survived. And when they were home at the Hinata Inn they passed out on their beds out of sheer mental exhaustion.

"I wonder if Su can make a cure for pimples and acne?" She murmured to herself. Hopefully she wouldn't turn green if she took it.

* * *

Despite that it hadn't turned out like she expected it would, she was happy nonetheless. She hummed as she prepared breakfast.

Shinobu Maehara hummed a cheerful tune.

While it had not turned out as romantic as she expected it had been a nice evening.

She still some pangs of guilt over spiking a punch bowl with Su's LSD Surprise. The newspapers and the police still hadn't found out that she was the culprit.

* * *

"Born to raise hell…. Born to raise hell… We know how to do it and we do it real well…" Keitaro sang as he entered the living room. It was a catchy tune performed by Motörhead after all.

"Good morning, Sempai!" he heard Shinobu call out from the kitchen. "Could you prepare the table while I finish with breakfast?" He heard her ask him.

"Sure." Keitaro answered and walked over to the kitchen.

* * *

Naru woke up, groaning as she touched the bruises on her head. She got dressed and wiped her glasses.

The feeling of rejection yesterday still hurt. She still couldn't understand why Keitaro had put down the offer to dance with her. He had danced with Mutsumi and Shinobu after all. Her brain formed the mental images of him dancing with the two. It made her both seething with anger and sorrowful at the same time.

Like always she had to deal with her hate-love feelings towards the one she saw a clumsy pervert every day.

And most of the time, like now, it was rage which filled her with its flames.

Yep, she was angry all right. A sure sign that he should avoid her today for his health's sake.

* * *

_It was a strange feeling which Kaolla Su despite her intelligence couldn't describe. It was something beyond her comprehension._

_This strange feeling had something to do with her "playmate" Keitaro Urashima, whom she liked to "play with" using various inventions and weaponry._

Kaolla Su had slept well this night. At first she had felt sad and miserable, but somehow Keitaro being just Keitaro had managed to make her happy. When he had left after dancing with her, something just welled up in her. A strange yet warm feeling that was both soothing and startling to her.

While Keitaro did slightly resemble the one she regarded as an elder sibling back home, Keitaro was a different person than him. True Keitaro had his faults, but he could display such kindness that moved everyone in the Hinata-sou. That and that it was fun to kick him around just for kicks.

Kaolla climbed up on of the many large tree branches and began to muse as she laid herself down.

* * *

The police chief looked very sceptical at Tsuroko Aoyma, wearing kendo garbs, who was sitting in a chair in front of his desk and him behind said desk.

"You again," he grumbled in irritation. "I take it you're here to fetch your homicidal sibling, who is locked up tight and securely, in prison."

He was an average looking middle-aged man, with short dark hair which was beginning to show signs of greyness. He had no moustache or a beard for that matter; on the other hand he had an aura of severe grimness and cynicism surrounding him.

"Believe me," Tsuroko sighed in frustration and embarrassment simultaneously, "sometimes I really wonder what the heck is going on in that head of hers."

"Maybe it has to do with the anachronistic, romanticist feudal age indoctrination and brainwashing you Aoyamas are so fond?" The chief replied acidly.

Tsuroko's eyes flashed briefly in anger over the remark, but her self-control made her able to maintain a neutral expression on her face.

The police chief chuckled evilly over having managed to stir up negative emotions in the swordswoman in front of him. His stare then turned grim as he said: "Believe me, 'Aoyama', there's no love lost between us. If I had my way I'd lock up all you loony so-called 'martial artists' or whatever you chose to call yourselves and throw away the key and leave you all to rot." He clenched his hands which rested on the armrests on his chair. "You people have no respect for law and order, or those you see as beneath you."

"Lucky for you that I had to leave my sword with the policeman outside," Tsuroko said coldly. The police chief always brought out the worst in her every time they met.

"Lucky for you that you did. Seeing that I'm hiding a fully loaded 12-gauge shotgun under my desk." The police chief replied with a sarcastic smile.

The man placed his hands under the desk. Tsuroko could clearly hear the sound of a pump-action shotgun being cocked.

Despite being a hardcore swordswoman and an experienced duellist, Tsuroko suddenly got a lump in her throat as well as an inner voice telling her not to agitate the guy in front of her.

"I'll be honest with you and tell you that I'm not exactly a very nice person," He said nonchalantly.

"Something I know from our earlier encounters," Tsuroko answered, wondering if the chief had suddenly snapped and if he wanted to turn her into mincemeat with the loaded weapon he was holding.

"Relax, Aoyama," the police chief answered as he lifted up his arms and dumped the shotgun on the desk as if he was simply dumping a load of documents on it.

Tsuroko sighed in relief. "For a moment I thought you were going to kill me."

"Even if I can't stand you, you still are one of the few martial artists who try not to overstep the boundaries of the law," he admitted. "But if you ever endanger any civilians or any of my men you will answer to me and Mr. Splat!" He had a serious predatorial look in his eyes as he patted the shotgun with his right hand.

"'Mr. Splat?'"

"'Splat' is usually the sound he makes when I blow the limbs off martial artist with him."

Despite his clear antagonism, Tsuroko could understand the bitterness and rage he harboured against martial artists. The man had lost many good men and friends during clashes with martial artists. He was also one of the few survivors of the clash with the sociopathic female martial artist calling herself Death Dancer. He killed the crazed maniac in self-defence, but was unable to prevent the death of over half of the two squads, while the rest were maimed for life by her skills with the blade

"I need to call in a favour," Tsuroko interrupted, not wanting to continue bantering with him.

"A favour," he huffed sourly, "I was wondering when you were going to call in those favours we owed you for your 'assistance' in various cases."

"I've saved your life on some occasions." She added.

"True," he admitted sincerely. His eyes suddenly had a serious tone, "My guess is that we are to release your younger sister."

"Yes." Tsuroko simply said.

"It will be hard to keep the media in the dark and brush the case aside." He stated objectively.

"I have just this one favour to ask of you and the police." Tsuroko said to him as her face took on a sad, almost pleading look, "After that you owe me nothing."

The chief chuckled, "So I just have to do you this little teensy favour you ask of me and then all the debts are over?"

"Yes! Is it so hard to understand! Damn you!" Tsuroko roared and slammed her clenched fists on the desk. All the stress. All the humiliation she had suffered on the way here. Everything which she had kept bottled up inside her was finally reaching the boiling point.

The police chief remained unfazed of the swordswoman's stunt, still remaining his sinister calmness despite knowing what she was capable of.

"Only this one time will I do what you ask me of." He declared almost silently to her without blinking. "Only once and nevermore."

* * *

Breakfast in the Hinata-sou was nice enough, except the fact that one of the tenants was missing. And that Naru for some reason was giving him the cold shoulder over another mistaken slight (as usual).

Keitaro sighed as he continued eating his meal. (Another day in paradise, huh?) his sub-consciousness quipped with the friendliness of a charging rhinoceros wanting to imbed its horn through his stomach and then tap dance on his cooling corpse and then do the cancan with stiletto-heeled shoes.

"Does anyone want some water?" He then asked, holding up the water mug.

"Yes, please," Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno answered, holding up her empty glass.

"Me too!" exclaimed a more happier-than-usual Kaolla Su, holding up hers as well.

Naturally Keitaro complied, filling both glasses with the amount both the girls wanted. His consciousness was also wondering if it was safe to try to start a conversation with Narusegawa, who was now trying to coldly ignore him. It said no.

"Myuh!" Tama said in gratefulness towards Shinobu and began eating her breakfast meal that lay in a small plate on the table. Tama's food consisted of salad, a bit of sliced tomatoes and some dandelion leaves. The tiny baby turtle seemed to enjoy it as she began munching it without any complaint.

A smile formed on Keitaro's face. Even though he at first had been unused to taking care of the tiny turtle which Mutsumi had entrusted in his care, he eventually warmed up to Tama and began to grow quite fond of her. Even though he was at times incompetent in many ways, he would always have a friend in his pet Tama.

Things didn't seem to be so bad at all this day.

(I wonder what Mutsumi is doing right now?) he suddenly thought.

* * *

Mutsumi Otohime awoke from her slumber. A usual smile on her face as usual - correction, dear readers - a somewhat more cheerful smile than usual.

She felt almost as giddy as a schoolgirl.

She got dressed and made a decent enough breakfast along with a few slices of watermelon.

Unfortunately she forgot one teensy-weensy minor detail which will be revealed soon.

* * *

"A visitor for ya, Aoyama!" the prison guard said as he unlocked the door of the reinforced steel door.

The raven-haired convict stopped playing with the sleeves of her prison suit, raising herself from the bunk which she had sat on. Anxious, almost scared dark eyes awaiting what was in store for her.

Motoko swallowed a bit heavily as she stared at her older sister.

Tsuroko had retained an indifferent aloof expression as she entered the prison cell. She walked slowly towards her little sister, her face shifting slowly as a serpent shedding its skin from indifferent tranquillity into barely controlled anger.

When she stood before her she suddenly lashed out and struck her sister in the face with a clenched fist.

Unprepared Motoko fell backwards onto the cold concrete floor with a thud.

"Get up, Motoko!" Tsuroko growled

Motoko just stared at her.

"I said get up!" Tsuroko suddenly roared.

Motoko Aoyama slowly rose, a bruise on her cheek.

"Sister, I-"

"Just shut up! I'm taking you home to your place!"

* * *

_Somewhere else:_

In shadowy street corner a young man smiled in amusement as he judged his arrogant adversary.

The assailant stood before him twirling his two katanas in a show-offish manner, babbling how the so-called ancient blades were wielded by his so-called great ancestors and used to slaughter hordes of demons.

Being a simple man - he just shot him without batting an eye.

The man lay groaning in pain on the ground, clutching his bleeding chest.

"Shut up! I only shot you with a measly rubber bullet." He said as he holstered his Colt Detective Special into his shoulder holster underneath his jacket.

A few minutes later the man was handcuffed to a high lamp post that had seen better days.

"Geez, don't take it so hard pal! I'll take good care of your swords until I can pawn them off in a pawn shop."

The other man started hurling insults and threats.

The grey-brown-haired man ignored him and walked away; making skipping jumps just to taunt the man behind him.

"And by the way: You'll be spending some time in prison, since I've been so nice to call the police so they can pick you up." He said without turning his head back and waving with his hand.

"I'll kill you! Honourless dog!" The cuffed man cried out in rage.

"Not in this life, small-fry!" He replied laughingly.

Rounding a few corners he came to where he had parked his car. He smiled and waved at the person sitting inside it.

"Papa?" The little girl said to him as he entered the car and stuffing the sheathed swords in the back seats. "Is everything okay?"

"Don't worry, Shizuka." He said to his young daughter with a cheerful smile, "I was just mopping up some trash out in the streets."

"Okay."

He felt a warmth inside when Shizuka flashed her father a happy smile.

"How about we go to a restaurant and buy something to eat?" He said.

"Yay! I want some Chinese food!"

"Funny, I was just thinking the same thing."

They drove off as heavy metal music surged from the radio.

* * *

_"…Heaven is a place on earth…._" Mutsumi sung happily as she skipped through the streets of Hinata. The Okinawan girl was oblivious to the various sounds of car crashes as cars crashed into each other or walls and other objects while she made a merry twirl and continued singing like a flighty siren of unearthly beauty moving through the streets by reasons of pure whim.

Maybe it was because the tiny little thing she forgot when getting dressed was to put on a bra, resulting that all the men with more libido than reason didn't pay attention to where they were going since they had an obscure obsession with ogling jingling breasts from afar..

"Losers!" a guy on the street gave a look of hopelessness as he observed the newly created wreckages in front of him.

"I agree with you" another guy in a Dodge Challenger sporting a supercharger concurred as he slowly drove by him.

A car nearly hit Mutsumi and crashed with a metallic screech into a fire hydrant.

"Ara? Did I hear something?" she asked herself.

"Must have been your imagination," a young man said dryly to her and then returned to the book he was reading.

* * *

The walk back to the Hinata-sou had been awkwardly quiet for the two sisters. Motoko in her returned kendo garb trailed behind Tsuroko with a bowed head and a bruised cheek.

Her sister had given back her clothes, but had confiscated her blade Shisui for the time being.

Despite her controlled tranquil appearance, Motoko knew that there was a raging storm of emotions going on inside of her elder sister as she walked in a dignified manner with her own sword strapped to her side and Shisui slung firmly under her arm.

* * *

In another town a young couple were standing on a lush, green hill with their young baby, admiring the scenery they beheld. The light breeze passing by gently touched them and then disappeared after gently playing with the young woman's tresses of hair.

Of all the young women in his life he never would have thought he would fall in love with her of all girls and marry her. But he never regretted the choices in life he made that intertwined his life with hers.

He smiled as he saw the young kitten now grown to a cat meowed happily as it munched on a meat bun given to it. It took a while after arriving here, but his wife had finally relented to let him hold their infant daughter. It was so cute watching his love show her maternal side and protectiveness over the welfare of their tiny child, and it was one of the things that made him love her even more. Currently she was also eating meat buns, but with a eagerness he felt she was taking overboard as usual, but that didn't bother him except that it gave him the excuse to tease her a bit.

"Gee, dear, do you have to eat loads of meat buns on our family trip?" the young father said affectionately with a tiny smirk to his wife while rocking the baby.

"Auu! Can't you let the mother of your child enjoy herself for once!" she complained with a mock frown and stuck her tongue out at him.

The tiny baby in his arms began laughing at the sight of her mother making grimaces and waved her little arms to and fro.

"Now, now, dear," the father said to his little daughter and stroked the gently the small tufts of red-orange hair on her head, "be careful that you don't pick up your Mama's weird habits. It's bad enough that one in the family's weird."

"Auu!" she again uttered that sound that had become so familiar and affectionate to him as she stood up, walked over to him and bopped him gently on the head.

"I didn't feel anything." It was true since he had felt no pain at all.

"Jeez! Just wait till we get home!" He thought the pout she made then was adorable.

* * *

Keitaro Urashima lay peacefully on the couch.

(Might as well reminiscence some classics,) he thought as he peered through the pages of his slightly worn old-edition Essential X-Men: Volume 4 collection of early X-Men stories. He wished that he had found the sought after classic God Loves, Man Kills story for his private collection, but alas it seemed here that it was as rare as owl's teeth.

The very much hypocritical Silver Samurai reminded him of a certain Motoko Aoyama he thought as he flipped through the pages. He hoped she would stay out of his hair for a while longer since it had become more peaceful and not to mention safer after she went and got herself arrested. Keitaro concluded that glue was a wonderful invention when you used it for the right cause like applying it on the swordhandle of a certain kendoist. It went better than he'd imagined it would.

He switched to one of his Essential Tomb of Dracula volumes after a while, enjoying seeing how Rachel Van Helsing and Quincey Harker matched wits with the lord of the undead and how they many times became entangled in the numerous conflicts between the prince of darkness and other evil beings like the sinister webs patiently weaved by Doctor Sun and his many loyal minions.

After a while the young manager decided that it was time for those tedious chores. Luckily he had bought a mop this time to avoid ending up with an aching back after cleaning the floors of the former inn turned dormitory. He still remembered the time he lay bedridden in his futon for half a day with his back aching like if Naru had decided to tap dance on it with steel stiletto heels. And in fact Narusegawa did do something to him that day like a "playful and loving" kick to the side (hard), since she had judged him to be lazing off. Having the invulnerability that rivalled that of a main battle tank's resistance to damage came in handy when living under the roof of the inn-turned-dormitory since he would've been dead and buried ages ago if he didn't. At least Shinobu had been nice enough to give him some rice porridge when bedridden and now also aching from Narusegawa's foot that day. Narusegawa later was heard screaming in pain when discovering that the bra she just put on without really looking was crawling with not-so-friendly ants. He could have sworn he saw a demoniac grimace of glee for a about a second on the tiny chef's face before returning to her task of feeding him.

"I guess I never was much into tradition," Keitaro murmured to himself as he went to fetch the cleaning supplies but suddenly stopped as the piece of organic machinery called the brain started working on its own initiative.

Maybe he could hide that bed of nails from India that Seta gave to aunt Haruka under Narusegawa's unrolled futon one night and hear what happens in his room under. Funny how his neurotic obsession with her was like a masochistic Prince Barin pining after a bipolar Princess Aura with recurring fits of madness and still asking for more even when being more dead than alive. He was worse off than Flash Gordon for certain when it came to women and peril on a daily basis. Then he looked upward at where the poster was taped over the hole in the ceiling and on on impulse went and fetched the bed of nails and placed it approximately under the ceiling poster.

"Now where are those bottles of detergent…"

* * *

Walking back to the Hinata-sou Shinobu Maehara smiled as she looked at the two movie tickets in her hand she had gotten cheaply.

(With a bit of luck Sempai will come with me to the matinee marathon!) The young girl blushed furiously at the thought of her and Urashima-sempai sitting next to each other watching various old films in English with subtitles. Hopefully there weren't any spooky ones or she would probably cling to Keitaro in fright, but the prospect of holding onto him made her heart beat a bit faster. She heard they were showing Jason and the Argonauts and Clash of the Titans and she was eager to watch them after hearing a loud recommendation by a classmate to the rest of class that they were amazing for being so old and despite of the limitations of special effects compared to the present.

* * *

"Give me the sense to wonder...To wonder if I'm free...Give me a sense of wonder...To know I can be me...Give me the strength to hold my head up...Spit back in their face...Don't need no key to unlock this door...Gonna break down the walls...Break out of this bad place..." Keitaro sung to himself to keep himself cheerful while fulfilling his chore.

Sometimes he wondered why he didn't flee howling in horror from the dormitory, running down the stone stairs with eyes filled with fright as if having witnessed a blasphemous and unfathomable monstrosity that blasted his mind into an oblivion of infinite madness while froth and foam dribbled from his shrieking, gibbering mouth. Most sane men certainly would've ended up doing that, so why didn't he? Either he had the patience and resilience of a saint or he was denser than a brick repeatedly hammered by a man with a sledgehammer and afterwards having a bundle of dynamite stuck under it or he clearly he had lost what sanity he had. Maybe all the blows to the head really had affected his sense of judgement.

"Ah, it's so peaceful right now!" Keitaro sighed happily, "Sometimes I wish these respites would last for eternity."

"But that would make things boring," Mitsune "Kitsune" Konno interjected with a smile through the openings of her re-bandaged head.

"When did you show up?" Keitaro groaned. As he dunked the head of the mop into the bucket.

"Oh, for about a few minutes ago." was the answer.

"I thought we'd gone through this days ago – no alcoholic beverages until you're well, and that's final."

Mitsune's lips twisted to a pout. "Aw, Goddammit! I'm going to die of abstinence!"

"It could've been worse, Kitsune. You could've been put in my shoes," Keitaro tried to assure her.

"Touché!" Mitsune replied, becoming thoughtful over that she compared to the clumsy manager was better off than him since she didn't have the remarkable toughness to endure punishment…and she wasn't keen to see if she could.

"I would've asked you to help me if you weren't hurt; and you'd probably decline if you were well if I know you correctly."

"I'm hurt," the fox-like maiden said in a mock hurt manner.

"No, you enjoy seeing me get hurt." Keitaro pointed out matter-of-factly.

"Ouch! That smarts!" Mitsune sarcastically quipped and took on her fox-like smile.

(Maybe I shouldn't tell her that it seems creepy when she does it with her head and face covered in bandages.) Keitaro thought with a shudder. But he had to admit that sometimes when she usually made that tempting quirky smile of hers his heart would skip a beat and his face would feel warmer than normal.

"Where's Su-chan? I haven't seen her around." It was nice to not be on the receiving end of a foot to the face, but he did care about the wellbeing of the hyperactive girl (when she didn't get on his nerves or deal grievous bodily harm).

"She's in her room. Said something about making an invention meant for you."

"Eep!" Keitaro uttered in panic as goose bumps were forming on his skin.

"My guess is the same as yours: it's not going to be nice."

(I remember the time she constructed a hidden missile silo carrying intercontinental ballistic missiles inside her room that went up to the roof. It became a real mess when the authorities found out and I had to do everything in my power to persuade them from deporting Su-chan or throw her in jail.) Keitaro thought. Or that time she made a radio control model of the HMS Hood that actually packed miniature-scaled armaments of an Admiral-class battlecruiser when she took it for a joyride in the park pond and proceeded to sink all those couples in their wooden rowboats despite being dwarfed completely by them in an effort to blast Tama-chan to oblivion. He had to act as a bodyguard and human shield afterwards, having to literally shield her from packs of drenched lovers wielding oars and planks with murder in their eyes while running away.

* * *

In Sakakino City the appearance of a grey DMC-12 DeLorean parking outside the city hospital was an unusual sight, seeing that the model was old, the car foreign and that the manufacturer closed down a long time ago. The irony wasn't lost on a few who recognized the sound of Huey Lewis and the News playing Back in Time from the car audio.

The age of the two exiting the vehicle and into the parking lot was also surprisingly unexpected. The pair were adolescent, a young man and woman dressed in casual clothes; clearly under the age allowed to operate automobiles. A protruding, swollen stomach clearly indicated that the young woman was pregnant and the caring behaviour of her companion did reveal him to be the father.

"Wow! Can that car really travel back in time?" A very young boy admiring the vehicle asked the driver.

"Nope!" He smiled at him. "If it did I'd travel back and pick a gold mine clean....and probably face the consequences of altering time after reaping my rewards." He added jokingly.

The boy was then hushed back by his parents.

"Come on, dear!" the young woman tugged his arm with a smile while straightening her hair to remove the stray lock up hair that was springing out like an antenna and sticking out. The attempt failed as it sprung up again as a jack-in-the-box who refused to stay down.

A police officer frowned at the pair, observing their age. And then shouted: "Hey, you!" and walked hastily towards them with a frown on her face. Placing herself between them and the car, she stared daggers at the two.

"Okay, let's see your driver's license and other ID! 'Cause I clearly believe that you're not at the allowed age to drive!"

"What car?" the girl said innocently and made a confused look.

"Don't play me for a fool!" the officer barked at her, distracting her attention on the boy.

"Why don't you look behind you then?" the girl then suggested.

"As if I'm going to fall for that!" she declared and turned to face the car. Her eyes fell on the suddenly empty parking spot.

"What? How!" the police officer uttered in disbelief.

"Must've been you're imagination, officer." the boy said, looking a lot paler than before and

sweating. "If you'll excuse us, me and my wife have an appointment with the doctor.

"But it was there?" the confused police officer mumbled to herself. "It couldn't possibly have vanished into thin air?" She ignored the pair who walked away towards the hospital entryway. The young man stopped for moment to wink at the equally surprised young boy and his parents who seemed paralyzed by what they had witnessed, before continuing onwards.

"That's the last time I let you talk me into driving you in some fancy vehicle, and we're not even allowed to drive yet. Next time we'll take a cab!" the young man complained and wiped off the sweat on his brow as they entered.

"What can I say. Sometimes a girl likes travelling in style." She flashed him a mischievous, teasing smile. Seconds later she winced.

"Seems like the baby has a mean kick." the young man said as he tried to comfort her.

"Yeah, it has." she admitted. "By the way: have you turned off your mobile phone?" she then asked.

A look of sudden realization formed on his face. "Oops!" He then stuck his hand into a pocket on his jacket and pullet out the mobile and promptly turned it off.

She laughed sweetly. "Oh, dear! Sometimes you can be so absent-minded!"

"I guess I'm a lucky guy to have you around then?" He smiled and then the two walked arm-in-arm to the reception area while humming the Dr. Who theme song..

* * *

_"Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once…"_

In an effort to both relax and calm himself down at the same time Keitaro Urashima was watching television and enjoying the hilarious misadventures of René Artois and the rest of the cast of the British comedy series 'Allo 'Allo!. His stepsister Kanako had once recommended this foreign series and when he watched it for the first time as a teen he understood wholeheartedly why she loved it, even though only having watched a handful of episodes and never having the time to watch the rest. The episode that tempted him into watching the series was an episode named The Jet Propelled Mother-In-Law. Staring at the live television screen he began to think about Kanako and wondered how his sister was doing in his absence. Hopefully she wasn't dressing herself up as Michelle Dubois and doing a lot of shady things like blowing stuff up and hatching farfetched plots.

Figures that Narusegawa and Kitsune were off to visit Seta during this time of available visiting hours in the prison he was locked up in. He was considering getting Sarah out of that orphanage she had been temporarily incarcerated in due to her young age, almost. There were times he was considering really hating that little monster when things really got bad, but he couldn't bring himself to harm that child despite that, even if the temptation was getting stronger and stronger every time she clobbered him. Her temporary residence was probably punishment enough for now.

The sound of the doorbell ringing broke from him from reminiscing on the past and drove to almost automatically shuffle to the front doorway. He hoped it was Kimiaki Shirai who had promised to lend him that doujinshi volume about a washed-out magical girl turned alcoholic and drug abuser who sets up on her quest to discover who is assassinating all the magical girls in the country and finds herself trapped in the webs of a hidden conspiracy that threatened all of South-East Asia while being forced to join with forces with her most hated arch-nemesis, a former minion of the stereotypical dark forces in usual magical girl stories who, controversially enough, had become a reckless gunman vigilante targeting child abusers and child prostitution rings and dispatching them in a hail of blazing guns and now named himself Pazuzu after the Sumerian demon of myth. The writer and artist had clearly been inspired by works of controversial western comic writers like Alan Moore and Frank Miller in their grim depictions and narrations.

When he opened the door he was quickly shocked. He probably knew how Peter Parker felt when he discovered that now there were two dangerous alien symbiotes instead of just one symbiote and that the rollercoaster ride of death with Venom and Carnage had just begun.

Motoko Aoyama was on the loose and standing in front of the doorway.

An older woman resembling her was standing beside her, most probably a relative.

"Oh, great! Just great! Two of them!" Keitaro mumbled in a deadpan voice. "This is definitely not my lucky day!" (I could barely handle **one** – and now there's **two of them**!)

"I'm back!" Motoko grunted as she shot him a look of held-back anger...

* * *

"Do you want some tea?" Keitaro asked as politely and meekly as he could when he arrived in the living room carrying cups of tea on a tray.

"Why, thank you, Urashima," Tsuroko said. The swords she carried here lay leaning against a wall.

The two had been awkwardly quiet. And that was just so weird that it bordered on being creepy. The older woman had presented herself as Tsuroko Aoyama, the older sister of Motoko Aoyama. Clearly she seemed to hold a lot of authority over her sister, seeing how humbled and reserved Motoko appeared to be at the moment.

(Oh god! She's probably crazier than Motoko!) Keitaro thought fearfully while desperately trying to maintain a mask of firm politeness and hospitality...

"Is something the matter?" Tsuroko inquired.

"...Uh...- No,no, no! Nothing wrong here!" Keitaro burst out suddenly as his arms began to wave frantically by reflex.

(Something is wrong here!) Tsuroko thought as she saw the brief frightened look on the young manager's face. (Sure it's out of place to have a young man as the manager of a girl's dormitory, but this guy looks scared of something! It's almost as if he expects me to kill him for the slightest mistake!)

Still panicking wildly he suddenly stumbled and tripped, as he landed on top of the older woman and his hand fell upon her chest.

Time seemed to have stopped in that instant – and as realization hit in Keitaro jumped back in fear, recoiling as if he had burned himself.

"Urashima, you animal! How dare you defile my sister!" Motoko erupted and lunged for her discarded weapon like a woman possessed.

But Keitaro's attention was totally focused on Tsuroko as he stumbled backwards like a panicked animal backed into a corner. He wanted to run away, but the fear kept him from collect his thoughts! He didn't want to die! He didn't even realize that his glasses had fallen off, plunging his sight to an unclear haze.

(Remember: What did Rogue say in Uncanny X-Men # 171!) He searched his thoughts as fast as he could and acted.

"Don't hit me, please – **don't hit me!**" Keitaro cried out as he fell on his back, struggling to crawl away from her.

The transparent fear on Keitaro's face struck the woman with shock and surprise as he pleaded her not to hurt him. This boy was not a fighter from what she had seen, neither appearing nor acting like one who use force against others.

A bloodcurdling roar from behind her made the boy turn his eyes towards Motoko who was rushing at him lying there with Shisui drawn and ready to strike.

As Motoko's blade streaked downward in a vicious arc another blade flashed over him, shielding him from the blow as blue sparks flashed before his eyes.

As Motoko turned her gaze towards the young man's protector, she saw the look of Tsuroko Aoyama, eyes filled with shock and betrayal. The look made her falter and drop her sword, giving her sister the chance to press her away from Keitaro and unleash an attack.

"**Hiken Zankusen!**"

A shockwave cause by a blast of powerful vibrating air erupted, causing the entire building to shake. From inside of the Hinata-sou. Motoko crashed out of the wall and struck the ground with a thunderous thud. Another figure hurled herself after her through the hole made.

Standing over her like an avenging angel stood Tsuroko with eyes burning with pure rage and a look of hurt and ultimate betrayal as she threw away her sword. Raising a trembling fist in anger she brought it down on her sister jaw.

"I championed you!" The mask of calmness cracked on Tsuroko's face as she struck Motoko again.

"I believed in you!" Her angry shriek echoed the feeling of betrayal.

"I defended you!" She finally cried out like a banshee and pinned her younger sister to the ground.

Another blow fell on Motoko's face with the impact of a hammer followed by others.

Suddenly a pair of hands gripped her bloodied fist, holding it back with all their might.

"For pity's sake, stop! You're killing her!" Keitaro shouted.

"Stay out of this, boy! This is between **her and me!**" Tsuroko growled back at him, but despite the fear in his eyes he didn't let go.

"No, I won't!" the young man stared her in the eyes. "I know what she did to me in the past was wrong, but I can't just stand here doing nothing while you beat her to a pulp!"

The words affected the enraged swordswoman and in a calm and controlled manner she raised herself from the prone position over her sister.

"You are either a creature of compassion and mercy or a fool, Urashima," Tsuroko mumbled.

"Motoko!" Keitaro suddenly gasped out in shock and horror, interrupting her.

Turning her eyes towards Motoko she saw that she was kneeling and holding a tanto ready to thrust into her own abdomen and slit it open.

"No!" Tsuroko roared and delivered a vicious kick that struck Motoko, sending the dagger crashing down to the side.

"Let me die!" Motoko wailed pitifully as tears were streaming from her bruised eyes.

"No, little sister, I won't let you kill yourself! To let you die would be too quick and too easy for you – I want you to suffer for what you've done!"

"...N-No!..." Motoko whispered in horror as she looked at her sister, her sister who she had always looked up to and worshipped.

"I hereby strip you of your rank and demote you to the lowest grade!" Her sister announced coldly between clenched teeth. "I see now that I only taught you to fight, Motoko. I never taught you to show compassion and humility against those who can't fight back! But mark my words – that error will be rectified when I start to retrain you in what means to truly be a heir to the Shinmei Ryu school!"

A wail erupted from Motoko, a soul-rending scream filled with loss.

Tsuroko didn't even batter an eye and said: "If you manage to redeem yourself, you will be re-instated as the heir, but if you fail I'll personally appoint another to take your place be they cousin or student!"

Motoko just lowered her head to the ground with a defeated, beaten look.

"And while you're retrained you're forbidden to wield Shisui unless I will it. If you want to earn the right to hold it again you have to do this the hard way from scratch."

She turned to Keitaro Urashima, "And seeing that I have to teach her and keep her in line, you've got yourself another tenant for the time being. So where do I sign up?"

Kaolla Su who had just arrived at the scene was bewildered by the sight of a broken Motoko and another older woman who looked older than her and Keitaro.

Keitaro sighed pitifully. (This is not my day! Hyper family violence and now a new inmate in this madhouse! I could've gone to a normal art university – but nooo I had to follow that doggone pipe dream and try to get to Tokyo U!)

At least getting a new tenant would lighten the financial troubles of the Hinata-sou.

"Just let me get the papers and documents..."

"What's going on, Keitaro?" a seemingly shaken Su asked him.

"It's a long story..." Keitaro sighed. "...just let me get some stuff, please, and I'll try to explain everything..."

(How in the world will I explain this to everyone?)

_End song: The Times They Are a-Changin' by Bob Dylan_

* * *

_Can you guess which characters and location from other series I've introduced here?_

_BTW: I want to thank those who previewed this and helped me make some revisions here. I also want to thank Andrew Joshua Talon for suggesting that amusing Mutsumi scene._

_I've to apologize to all of you readers who've wanted me to have finished this chapter ages ago, due to personal problems, and that any criticism is appreciated since I'm open to advice when it comes to fic writing._


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